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QuazaR Posted 12 years ago
Grammar
Are the ideas being communicated properly in this text?
Hello English Gurus,
I've copied a text out of my larger essay and I am hoping to get a little feedback. I'm not overly confident in my writing abilities and as a result I feel that I might overcomplicate sentences. I'm not looking for any specific grammar corrections (unless they are plainly visible), I'm more so trying to make sure that the reader can get through the text without wanting to smash their head into a wall. I apologize if this is not the place for such a question.
"When one decides to pursue what he or she has a particular aptitude for and not that which one is necessarily interested in, that decision not only significantly stifles the amount of satisfaction and joy one can hope to attain from his or her employment, it more tragically limits his or her ultimate abilities and potential for mastery of a field. This is not to say that one cannot develop a profound interest in a discipline for which they have an aptitude, but the main distinction to notice lies entirely in the interest. If the interest is present from the beginning without any inherent capabilities or understanding, the unknown in a particular situation pertaining to one’s interest becomes the primary motivation to learn the capabilities necessary to understand; and once the understanding is attained, what was previously unknown doesn’t only become new knowledge, but also becomes a foundation from which the next inquiries into the endless supply of unknowns are formed. Conversely, when the aptitude towards a subject is present without the required level of interest, the ability to achieve success by enhancing and fine-tuning one’s skills and knowledge-base is obtainable; but without significant interest, the willingness and ambition to uncover or contribute formerly unknown knowledge or research to a particular field is simply out of reach."
Thank you in advance for any feedback!!
I've copied a text out of my larger essay and I am hoping to get a little feedback. I'm not overly confident in my writing abilities and as a result I feel that I might overcomplicate sentences. I'm not looking for any specific grammar corrections (unless they are plainly visible), I'm more so trying to make sure that the reader can get through the text without wanting to smash their head into a wall. I apologize if this is not the place for such a question.
"When one decides to pursue what he or she has a particular aptitude for and not that which one is necessarily interested in, that decision not only significantly stifles the amount of satisfaction and joy one can hope to attain from his or her employment, it more tragically limits his or her ultimate abilities and potential for mastery of a field. This is not to say that one cannot develop a profound interest in a discipline for which they have an aptitude, but the main distinction to notice lies entirely in the interest. If the interest is present from the beginning without any inherent capabilities or understanding, the unknown in a particular situation pertaining to one’s interest becomes the primary motivation to learn the capabilities necessary to understand; and once the understanding is attained, what was previously unknown doesn’t only become new knowledge, but also becomes a foundation from which the next inquiries into the endless supply of unknowns are formed. Conversely, when the aptitude towards a subject is present without the required level of interest, the ability to achieve success by enhancing and fine-tuning one’s skills and knowledge-base is obtainable; but without significant interest, the willingness and ambition to uncover or contribute formerly unknown knowledge or research to a particular field is simply out of reach."
Thank you in advance for any feedback!!
Top answer
I feel that I might overcomplicate sentences Indeed you do. I suggest that you now try to rewrite the paragraph as simply as you can. Then we can compare.
- I feel that I might overcomplicate sentences Indeed you do.
- I suggest that you now try to rewrite the paragraph as simply as you can.
- Then we can compare.
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2 Answers
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I feel that I might overcomplicate sentences Indeed you do.
I suggest that you now try to rewrite the paragraph as simply as you can. Then we can compare.
I suggest that you now try to rewrite the paragraph as simply as you can. Then we can compare.
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Are you intending to emulate the great American writer of the 19th century, Nathaniel Hawthorne?
He is greatly admired, but his style is awfully stilted and dated, as you can see from this quote
He is greatly admired, but his style is awfully stilted and dated, as you can see from this quote
Then, she was supported by an unnatural tension of the nerves, and by all the combative energy of her character, which enabled her to convert the scene into a kind of lurid triumph
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