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Peters Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Application letter
Dear englishforum users.
I am applying to a university in Madrid for next year and for that purpose I have written an application letter.
It's the first time I do so, so I am not really confident about it.
Can you guys read it and tell me what you think please?
I read a few topics about application letters on this forum, you'll notice that when you read this one.
"Dear sir or madam,
I am applying to your master program “Master of Finance” starting in September 2016. My career ambition is to work in the investment banking sector.
In June 2016 I will graduate from KU Leuven. By then I will have completed a master of science in financial management. Before that I got a bachelor degree from Karel de Grote high school in SME- management. This parkour took me six years to complete and I am very proud to where I stand now. To go from high school to university I had to complete a mandatory full year program to prepare, this is why it took me six years instead of the usual five. I started at high school because at that time I wasn’t really sure which way I wanted to go in live. So I chose to start with something general. During these general management years it became clear to me that I wanted to work in the financial sector. That is why I started a specialized master in financial management afterwards. During this years I noticed that my interest went out to courses like investment theory, banking and insurance, behavioral finance and corporate finance. This were also the courses for which I scored best. In June 2016 I will graduate from this masters with an expected average score of 70 percent.
Completing my academic performance are my skills in teamwork, communication and leadership. During my studies I have done numerous projects in group. In most of these groups I was the team leader. As leader of the team for a particular project you not only have to work well on the project but you also have to assign tasks and make sure deadlines are respected and made.
Furthermore I am very social and I can make new contacts easily. This is a result from all the activities I do when I am not busy with school. I play tennis for over 15 years now, aswell as teaching it to children ranged from age 5 to 16 years old. This is where I learned to be responsible. I also played the saxophone and hockey, but I had to quit both when I decided I wanted to go to university. I now sometimes go to the gym to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
I am also very dedicated to use my free time wisely. For example I have done a cursus of speedreading where I improved my reading tempo and text comprehension. Last year I also completed my license to navigate on the water and this year I followed the WSET II wine course in which I will take the exam later on. I also love to go on holiday and get to know other cultures.
I want to study at IE university because of your outstanding educational system. I have spoken with the head of the financial department of the Katholieke Universiteit Leuven (KULeuven) and he told me about the outstanding reputation of IE university regarding financial management. The 4th place on the financial masters ranking from the financial times only confirms his statement.
During my years on high school I also had the honor to get Spanish courses, which I liked a lot. In addition to this I also went to a homestay in Barcelona for 3 weeks with an EF (Education First) program to learn Spanish. However my last two years at university didn’t offer these courses so I am not so familiar in Spanish anymore. Studying in Madrid would be an excellent opportunity to take on my Spanish again. In order to do so I plan to take extra courses in Spanish if I get accepted into IE University.
Given my interest in the program IE University offers together with my academic and social skills I am confident I will exceed your expectations. I will also contribute to a good atmosphere and I will try to pass my enthusiasm onto anyone with who I come in contact with.
Thanks in advance and I look forward to your acceptance."
Thanks a lot for your help!
I am applying to a university in Madrid for next year and for that purpose I have written an application letter.
It's the first time I do so, so I am not really confident about it.
Can you guys read it and tell me what you think please?
I read a few topics about application letters on this forum, you'll notice that when you read this one.
"Dear sir or madam,
I am applying to your master program “Master of Finance” starting in September 2016. My career ambition is to work in the investment banking sector.
In June 2016 I will graduate from KU Leuven. By then I will have completed a master of science in financial management. Before that I got a bachelor degree from Karel de Grote high school in SME- management. This parkour took me six years to complete and I am very proud to where I stand now. To go from high school to university I had to complete a mandatory full year program to prepare, this is why it took me six years instead of the usual five. I started at high school because at that time I wasn’t really sure which way I wanted to go in live. So I chose to start with something general. During these general management years it became clear to me that I wanted to work in the financial sector. That is why I started a specialized master in financial management afterwards. During this years I noticed that my interest went out to courses like investment theory, banking and insurance, behavioral finance and corporate finance. This were also the courses for which I scored best. In June 2016 I will graduate from this masters with an expected average score of 70 percent.
Completing my academic performance are my skills in teamwork, communication and leadership. During my studies I have done numerous projects in group. In most of these groups I was the team leader. As leader of the team for a particular project you not only have to work well on the project but you also have to assign tasks and make sure deadlines are respected and made.
Furthermore I am very social and I can make new contacts easily. This is a result from all the activities I do when I am not busy with school. I play tennis for over 15 years now, aswell as teaching it to children ranged from age 5 to 16 years old. This is where I learned to be responsible. I also played the saxophone and hockey, but I had to quit both when I decided I wanted to go to university. I now sometimes go to the gym to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
I am also very dedicated to use my free time wisely. For example I have done a cursus of speedreading where I improved my reading tempo and text comprehension. Last year I also completed my license to navigate on the water and this year I followed the WSET II wine course in which I will take the exam later on. I also love to go on holiday and get to know other cultures.
I want to study at IE university because of your outstanding educational system. I have spoken with the head of the financial department of the Katholieke Universiteit Leuven (KULeuven) and he told me about the outstanding reputation of IE university regarding financial management. The 4th place on the financial masters ranking from the financial times only confirms his statement.
During my years on high school I also had the honor to get Spanish courses, which I liked a lot. In addition to this I also went to a homestay in Barcelona for 3 weeks with an EF (Education First) program to learn Spanish. However my last two years at university didn’t offer these courses so I am not so familiar in Spanish anymore. Studying in Madrid would be an excellent opportunity to take on my Spanish again. In order to do so I plan to take extra courses in Spanish if I get accepted into IE University.
Given my interest in the program IE University offers together with my academic and social skills I am confident I will exceed your expectations. I will also contribute to a good atmosphere and I will try to pass my enthusiasm onto anyone with who I come in contact with.
Thanks in advance and I look forward to your acceptance."
Thanks a lot for your help!
Top answer
"Dear sir or madam, I am applying to your master program “Master of Finance” starting in September 2016. My career ambition is to work in the investment banking sector. In June 2016 I will graduate from KU Leuven, completing By then I will have completed a master of science in financial management.
- "Dear sir or madam, I am applying to your master program “Master of Finance” starting in September 2016.
- My career ambition is to work in the investment banking sector.
- In June 2016 I will graduate from KU Leuven, completing By then I will have completed a master of science in financial management.
- Before enrolling at KU Leuven, that I got a bachelor 's degree from Karel de Grote high school (?
- high school in the US is the final 4 years of mandatory school.
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8 Answers
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"Dear sir or madam,
I am applying to yourmaster program “Master of Finance” starting in September 2016. My career ambition is to work in the investment banking sector.
In June 2016 I will graduate from KU Leuven, completing By then I will have completed a master of science in financial management. Before enrolling at KU Leuven, that I g
I am applying to your
In June 2016 I will graduate from KU Leuven, completing
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Hey AlpheccaStars,
Thanks a lot for your respons, glad you could point me on some mistakes!
I corrected most of the things in my application, but I can't come up with another word for "parkour" in this context, can you help me with this?
I also wonder why you put the words starting from completing to cursus in yellow, what's wrong with those?
And I know the wine course isn't r
Thanks a lot for your respons, glad you could point me on some mistakes!
I corrected most of the things in my application, but I can't come up with another word for "parkour" in this context, can you help me with this?
I also wonder why you put the words starting from completing to cursus in yellow, what's wrong with those?
And I know the wine course isn't r
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arnoutp but I can't come up with another word for "parkour" in this context, can you help me with this?I had never heard of "Parkour," so I don't know what you want to say.
The yellow highlighting are places where there is an error.
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Oh, what's wrong with "completing", "group" and "play"? I don't see that!
With the parkour i mean the total of the studies i went through.. the whole study carreer i have had.
With the parkour i mean the total of the studies i went through.. the whole study carreer i have had.
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arnoutpwhat's wrong with "completing"It is not a finite verb; your sentence is incomplete.
arnoutpwhat's wrong with "group"It should be plural.
arnoutp what's wrong with "play"?It should be in present perfect form.
arnoutpWith the parkour i mean the total of the
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Ok, I see! Thanks a lot to you guys! What do you think of the content? Sufficient? Or should I add some particular things?
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To be honest, I think that -- barring its few structural problems -- it is one of the most engaging motivation letters I have read, arnoutp. Good luck in your application!
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This daunting and challenging course of study took me six years to complete and I am very proud of where I stand now.
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