Application

Question

(Here is the body of an application written by someone else. I found some grammatical mistakes in it but I would like to have your feedback. Thanks.)

With due respect when I went to pay my monthly dues yesterday, the accounts clerk told me that a fine of Rs. 200/- is standing against my name for absence from school for ten days.

It is true that I was absent from school for ten days. I had a severe attack of malaria. My doctor advised me to take complete bed rest for ten days. My father submitted an application along with medical certificate and you granted the leave. Perhaps it is lost by the clerk concerned.

I, therefore, request you to remit my fine.

Sundarnaz · Accepted Answer

My post is being neglected. Poor me!

Sundarnaz · Answer

sundarnaz
With due respect when I went to pay my monthly dues yesterday, the accounts clerk told me that a fine of Rs. 200/- is was (there is a backshift in reported speech as I learnt it from grammar books) standing against my name for being ~~absence~~ absent from school for ten days.
~~It is true that I was absent from school for ten days.~~ (I think its superfluous) I had a severe attack of malaria. My doctor had advised me to take complete bed rest for ten days. My father had submitted an application along with the medical certificate and you had granted the leave. Perhaps it is has been (as you said) lost by the clerk concerned.
~~I, therefore,~~ Therefore, I request you to remit my fine.

I'm looking forward to other teachers feedback too.

Thanks

CalifJim · Answer

sundarnazIt is true that I was absent from school for ten days. I had a severe attack of malaria. My doctor advised me to take complete bed rest for ten days. My father submitted an application along with medical certificate and you granted the leave. Perhaps it is lost by the clerk concerned. I, therefore, request you to remit my fine.

I have already commented on the first part of this in another thread, so I will omit that here.

Here's my version for comparison, as you requested:

While it is true that I was absent for ten days, it was because I had had a severe attack of malaria for which my doctor had advised me to take complete bed rest for ten days. My father submitted an application for leave along with a medical certificate. Although you granted leave, it appears that the record of it may have been lost. Please do whatever you can to locate the records verifying your grant of the ten-day leave as I would like to have this matter resolved and the amount of the fine returned to me as soon as possible.

CJ

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