Appeal Letter

Hi, I've written an appeal letter to send to the school that rejected me. As english is my second language, I need your guys' help to make sure that there is no grammar mistake in it. My letter may sound more like a job hunting letter than college appeal letter to you. But, this is the only way I can make up for my shortcoming gpa. I know there could be more information to add. So i'm open to all suggestions. Any help would be appreciated. On a side note, I've substituted personal details with square brackets to avoid exposing details.

Dear Sir, I’m an applicant from [country] and applied for Business major of your university. Few days ago, through [university] website, I found out that I’m not being shortlisted. As I sincerely believe that this conclusion is due to the lack of work experience related information of mine, allow me to unfold my past experience for the better evaluation. I feel that I have necessary aptitude and strong background experience to become a successful student. I hope this information would help you re-evaluate my application. First off, I would like to extend my sincere apology for not being able to file for appeal in timely manner due to inconsistent internet connection of my country. If it wasn't for the help of my brother, I wouldn't be able to check my application status as well as send this letter. My work related experience started in summer [year] when I had a chance to work in my brother's Desktop Publishing House called [company name] as a summer job. It is moderate in size with substantial number of clients that could keep all employees in toes. During my employment, I had given numbers of responsibilities such as, of buyer, making sales pitch to my teachers to get to typeset their tuition work books, delivering final drafts as needed, etc. As a buyer, I monitored materials' price of local distributors (such as papers, wax papers, laminate materials) and bought the best deal among them. It was very interesting and occasionally, some minor negotiations involved. I had worked there every summer as well as in my free time until [year] when it was sold to other business. In [year], a year after I joined distant degree course of [university name], I landed a job at local computer center called [company name] as a sales staff. Even though designation was mere sales staff, my responsibilities passed well beyond that boundary. To name few – bookkeeping, buying supply, monitoring local USD exchange rate and adjust stock price accordingly. In here, I would like to elaborate on why we need to monitor such. All of our stocks were bought from importers who adjust their imported goods’ price base on current local USD exchange rate. Depending on number of factors such as, government policy, market presence and so on, this rate can be very volatile and prone to change as many as couple of times in a day. I was responsible to keep track of that in order to avoid the loss we might suffer otherwise, at the time of replenishment. When I first came here, it was relatively small with handful of services. It main focus back then was, offering various computer courses, sales and service. Within two years, it grew exponentially and venture into other areas. Namely - paper sales, computer rentals on time basis, computer furniture sales, and devise things such as chassis-less computer (budget-oriented computer desk that comes with chassis built-in. Designed specifically for network game centers.). Due to this growth, I had a chance to take more responsibilities and able to broaden my horizon of experience. In addition to previous responsibilities, I was appointed to gain consignments from local suppliers and to make sales pitch for our business new products as well. It was very interesting job and I worked there until [year] when it moved to new location which was very inconvenient for me to commute from where I lived. Base on aforementioned experiences, I would like to appeal my [university] rejection. I feel I have necessary knowledge to achieve great success if given chance. I have opted to make [university] as my first priority due to number of advantages that can be found in no other university such as wide array of business related majors, affordability and interesting curriculum. In addition to that, it is well-known university around the world. I’m well aware that [university] choose students who take learning seriously and I too feel that I’m one of them. The amount of knowledge that I could get from [university] is very immense and I hope you grant me a chance to have that. I understand that my GPA may not be up to par with the rest of the students. But this is due to the full time job I had back then and you can also see drops in GPA in later year. This clearly shows increased workload when our business grew exponentially. I feel that this extent of my experience would make up my shortcoming GPA. I also feel that this experience would give me an edge in learning. My personal belief is “knowledge is a key to success”. When it comes to pursuing knowledge, I’m kind of a person who has strong perseverance and never let anything put me down. I always do the best of my ability to overcome any hurdles on my path. With this attitude and strong passion for this particular subject I have, I believe, I have potential to become successful student. With you assistance, I can make this happen. I hope you grant me a chance to prove that. With all respect, please kindly reconsider my application once more. Sincerely yours, [name]