anything wrong with the passage? THE BIOLOGY OF PINKBOTTOM

Question

I write this story for my children, hoping one day they can enjoy it when they grow up. I am a Chinese native speaker and haven’t had any formal English language training, yet we are living in an English speaking country so my kids are very likely to be English speakers. Therefore I have no choice but to write the story in English in order to let my kids understand it. Please help me to correct all grammatical errors or expressions that is not idiomatic. As your reward, if there is any, I give you this interesting story.

The work is a copyright of P C Huang

The Biology of Pinkbottom

You hear people say: “You are what you eat.” It implies the eater’s identity depends on the eaten or the state of health of the eater rests upon the eaten. In any case, it is the eater who occupies the centre of attention and the eater is considered more important than the eaten.

I shall think otherwise.

What you eat is rather more important to the eaten.

You may suffer from identity crisis by having Italian for lunch then Chinese for dinner, or you may fall ill by eating too much, too little, too fine or too coarse. You may even get yourself killed by eating the wrong thing. Yet all of those are the result of your sweet free will. The eaten has no choice at all but surely lost its life every time when being eaten.

The fate of the eaten rests upon the eater.

Pchuang · Accepted Answer

so, so far so good. no mistakes. thanks for your help. here is the next installment.

--------------------------------------------------------

Some of us don't eat pork, while the rest of us do. And the vegetarians would eat none, for their love of animals, and vegetables too. But they only eat the vegetables they love but not the animals they love. Therefore it is better for pigs to live in a country where people don't eat pork or a nation of vegetarians, with whom pigs may share all the vegetables.

Some of us don't eat beef, while the rest of us do. And the vegetarians eat none, and you know why. Therefore it is better for cattle to live in a country like India or a country of vegetarians, for obvious reasons.

Some of us don't eat dogs, while some do. And the vegetarians would eat none, you guessed right. Therefore it is better for dogs to live in a country where people treat them as family members instead of domestic animals.

Anyway, it leaves one animal with no better place to live. And that is the chicken.

All but the vegetarians are united in love of eating chickens for no apparent reasons at all. Worse still, there is no religion significant enough to prohibit its consumption.

Pchuang · Answer

still no mistakes? my confidence is growing. thanks for everyone who read it.

here is next section.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Most of us believe chicken is the healthiest meat we can have while we are getting fatter and sicker as ever before. Some of us admit it is only because chicken is the cheapest to buy and some love the taste of it.

Unfortunately, we are living a time when the most chicken eating populations have no experience of the real taste of chicken, which has lost somewhere in a distant past, and unaware of its existence and the reason behind its demise.

The reason lays somewhere out of our sight, faraway from any residential real estate, where no one can smell chicken, or hear them, or even see them alive. Those are the places only known to a very few, among them are the owners of chicken farm and their feed delivery drivers, perhaps the health inspector from local council, and, some animal liberators who may or may not be vegetarians, always passionately break into chicken farms in a dark night and liberate a few half slept and deeply confused chickens, offering little follow up rehabilitation and counselling services to them, let alone a long term solution for the problem.

Welkins2139 · Answer

There are some I do not understand.

#1 What is " pinkbottom " ?

#2

It implies the( an indefinte article is better ) eater’s ( I do not like the word eater, is there another word for it, may be you can say human )identity Which depends on the eaten ( do you mean " food " ) or the state of health of the ( can you say " a human's health" )eater rests upon the eaten.

Can you say " the state of health of the eater rest upon the eaten ?" sounds to me is not good English.

. What you eat is rather more important to the eaten. ( the eaten mean fish, cow, animals ? )

You may suffer from identity crisis by having Italian for lunch then Chinese for dinner, or you may fall ill by eating too much, too little, too fine or too coarse. You may even get yourself killed by eating the wrong thing. Yet all of those are the result of your sweet free will. The eaten has no choice at all but surely lost its life every time when being eaten.

what do you mean your idnetify crisis ?

I really do not know what you want to say in that paragraph. It seems to me it is in incoherence what you have written. you said something " you " . Later you said something " eaten "

about the grammar, I have my own limit right now. But for reading, I am ok.

The rest of your works I probably read it later

Pchuang · Answer

Pinkbottom is the name of a chicken, who is the hero of the story.

an eater refers to anyone who eats others while the eaten is the one eaten by others.

thanks for your comment.

Welkins2139 · Answer

Pchuangso, so far so good. no mistakes. thanks for your help. here is the next installment.

--------------------------------------------------------

Some of us don't eat pork, while the rest of us do. And the vegetarians would eat none, for their love of animals, and vegetables too. But they only eat the vegetables they love but not the animals they love. Therefore it is better for pigs to live in a country where people don't eat pork or a nation of vegetarians, with whom pigs may share all the vegetables.



Some of us don't eat beef, while the rest of us do. And the vegetarians eat none, and you know why. Therefore it is better for cattle to live in a country like India or a country of vegetarians, for obvious reasons.

Some of us don't eat dogs, while some do. And the vegetarians would eat none, you guessed right. Therefore it is better for dogs to live in a country where people treat them as family members instead of domestic animals.



Anyway, it leaves one animal with no better place to live. And that is the chicken.



All but the vegetarians are united in love of eating chickens for no apparent reasons at all. Worse still, there is no religion significant enough to prohibit its consumption.

I read your second strory. I see, what you are driving at. You want to write a children story.

1st paragraph, ok.

2nd paragrph, Ok

3rd paragraph, Ok,

4th paragraph, Can vegetarians eat chicken ?

I dont cosider those are paragrphs, I guess ( I am not an expert ) writing a paragrph must have a topic, then you need to add details it.

Maybe writing a children story is exception, you know with all those pictures and short sentences.

Pchuang · Answer

thanks for your comment. this is only the first chapter. i am trying to get to the scene of the story.

the sentence:"All but the vegetarians are united in love of eating chickens " means 'all the people, except vegetarians, are united in love of eating chickens.'
here is the following passage:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The place called chicken farm does not attract much attention at all. You may see people running vineyard tour, weekend farm houses with cattle and sheep on the land, fish farms for people to catch fish in a hurry, pony farms to let children ride on young animals for fun, but you can never see anyone run a chicken farm tour, offering free taste of newly smoked chicken or drumsticks at half price.

It makes you wonder why.

Why nobody runs a chicken farm tour?

You may have figured out that the farms let people in and play there are the ones need money desperately, but not the chicken farms. You may think of many other reasons such as safety, hygiene etc. However those are not real reasons and the real reasons are far more sinister.

Let’s go there and find out why.

On a quiet country road, you would see a huge truck pulling a monstrous container, in a shape of a fuel tank, on its back. You can see something like “poultry supplies” written on the tank. That is the one heading to a “poultry farm”, as they call it. You would surely get to one of these farms by following the truck.

Pchuang · Answer

no more mistakes? thanks for reading the passages.
here is the following passage:
--------------------------------------------------------

The rattling sound of the diesel engine breaks the tranquillity of the chicken farm. The truck finds its way into the farm and stations itself under a metal container, which is about three meters in diameter, some ten meters high. A pipe connected to the container tower links its other end with the tank on the back of the truck. The process of uploading all chicken feed from the tank to the container tower starts. It would take a good thirty minutes to empty the tank. No one but the driver and farm operator is in the farm. They chat a little, exchange paperwork then get on with their works. By the time the truck left the farm, tranquillity returns. It is so quiet that you even can hear the noise in the pipeline in which chicken feed is being transferred.

The pipelines run toward many rows of sheds built in galvanized corrugated steel.

They are all in the colour of grey, five meters tall and ten meters wide. Every one of them is about 50 meters long. There are no windows but ventilation outlets. The pipelines lead into each of the sheds, supplying feed 24 hours a day, controlled by a computer.

anything wrong with the passage? THE BIOLOGY OF PINKBOTTOM

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions