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Chivalry Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Anybody has any opinion about my essay?

The prompt is "Provide your perspective of view on the point that, for better or worse, for every so-called final answer,

there is always another way of seeing things."

My essay goes as below:

Wether there's always a 'however is, in my opinion, dependent on the situation or consequences caused by the incident. For example, a turn on somebody' s career path from being a medical student to a waitress is, from the most commonsensical point of view, quiet disappointing or unwise, and yet at this point, there's another point to be taken into consideration, which is the person's interest of his or her life-long career, and taken from this point of view, the decision of "degrading" one's originally "optimal" future might not be all that "unwise" at all. But, when it comes to some serious catastrophes, such as the sinking the Titanic, or the atomic bombing in Japan during the World War II, it's indeed tragic, and tragic only. Because in such cases, the negative definitely outweighs the positive, as in those incident nobody really got a benefit but injuries and devastation out from what happened.

In general, I would say, our lives are filled with different disappointments as well as pleasure, and how you look into what happened sometimes changes the situations entirely. And although we could look different types of perspectives into considerations upon some incidents, there are still some incidents that might cause permanent damage or trauma to the person that suffered from it, as well as some really joyful incidents only bring pleasure to people.

I need to know if there's any incorrect usage of words or any alternatives of better words,

I'd really appreciate your help at it.

Thank you in advance.

  

Top answer

I have underlined some problem areas. Please post your revised essay here, and we will review it. Wether there's always a 'however is, in my opinion, dependent on the situation or consequences caused by the incident.

  • I have underlined some problem areas.
  • Please post your revised essay here, and we will review it.
  • Wether there's always a 'however is, in my opinion, dependent on the situation or consequences caused by the incident.
  • ) For example, a turn on somebody' s career path from being a medical student to a waitress is, from the most commonsensical point of view, quiet disappointing or unwise, and yet at this point, there's another point to be taken into consideration, which is the person's interest of his or her life-long career, and taken from this point of view, the decision of "degrading" one's originally "optimal" future might not be all that "unwise" at all.
  • But, when it comes to some serious catastrophes, such as the sinking the Titanic, or the atomic bombing in Japan during the World War II, it's indeed tragic, and tragic only .
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3 Answers
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I have underlined some problem areas. Please post your revised essay here, and we will review it.

Wether there's always a 'however is, in my opinion, dependent on the situation or consequences caused by the incident. (This is a sentence fragment only.) For example, a turn on somebody' s career path from being a medical student to a waitress is,
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I'm sorry but why are the underlined parts incorrect? I can't correct those mistakes if I can't even recognize them on my own, and that's why I asked for help here. However, I corrected some of the obvious grammar mistakes here, for the other parts, I'll just have to leave them uncorrected since I don't even know why they're wrong, for those parts, I'll leave them underlined.

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Give it a try: that's how you learn.

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