Hello. I was wondering if you could go through my statement of purpose and give me a few tips before I send my letter to the university's admissions office. My main concern is the 2nd paragraph I feel like its not going to grab the admissions people attention. Any suggestions on how I can spice it up a little???

Re: Statement of Purpose

I would like to express my desire to study at the University of XXXX for the academic year beginning fall 2011. I am applying for a Master in Science in Gender, Sexuality and Society (Sociology) programme. Currently, I am in the process of completing my final year of study for a Bachelor of Arts degree in International Relations and European Studies at the University of XXXX and will graduate in July 2011.



My decision to undertake a Master’s degree in Gender, Sexuality and Society at this point has been driven by my determination to acquire specific academic knowledge that can best be met within the confines of an interdisciplinary masters degree that will allow me to broaden my understanding of research methods whilst gaining practical knowledge through fieldwork and acquiring insight into debates concerning gender, cultural and developmental issues.



Over the past three years of study in Country A, I have faced numerous challenges that have taught me valuable lessons and enriched my academic and personal skills. Having to study and be taught in a new language has tested my intellectual and scholarly prowess. Whereas some students would go just an extra mile, I decided that I would push myself an extra two miles so that I do not only attain and maintain good grades but I also work on developing my strengths and talents. I have also had to adapt to a different culture, a new environment and educational system and the day to day hurdles I have encountered, have allowed me to mold myself and acquire personal qualities like perseverance, discipline and suppleness. With the guidance and encouragement of my professors I have excelled in my coursework, factors I consider make me a worthy candidate to study at the University of XXXX.



Before coming to Country A, I was employed as a Production Assistant for a gender-oriented talk show called “XXXXX Talk Show” at the XXXX Broadcasting Corporation Television Services. This position, did not only present me with the opportunity to gain experience and insight into television production, but it also gave me a chance to analyse the complexity of gender and cultural issues in XXXX society.



However, I was longing for a possibility to pursue further studies in a political-related field. My dream came true as I applied and was honoured with a full scholarship by the Country A government and thus began my studies in International Relations in Europe.



Whilst studying here, I have developed an interest for humanitarian work because I am compassionate for those who are disadvantaged. I volunteer for non-governmental organizations like XXXXX by collecting goods to auction and raise funds for disadvantaged children as well as Habitat for Humanity (City A) by lending a hand at a construction site. I have eagerly participated in workshops that focused on Human Rights encompassing women’s and minority Rights. Coming from Country B where Human Rights carry little significance for media practitioners, women, activists, workers etc has made me more conscious and aware of what it is I would like to do with my life.



Therefore, it is with this in mind that I intend to return to my country with the wealth of knowledge that I will have obtained from the interdisciplinary MSc in Gender, Sexuality and Society program from the University of XXXX and use the research and academic skills to initiate community projects that will seek to educate and raise awareness among young women on their rights as well as start a youth volunteer centre that will encourage the youth to become more involved in their communities by volunteering. I believe that with a lot of hard-work, strategic planning and determination I will be able to achieve anything I set out to do.

Studying at an esteemed university like the University of XXXX in the Country C would afford me that opportunity to engage my mental and learning stimulus by interacting and sharing ideas with high caliber professors. If I am admitted for the master’s it would broaden my horizons as I would be in a position to acquire the practical and academic skills that I desire for my chosen career path at a reputable institute of higher learning which is dedicated in social research through the XXXX Institute for Social Science Research.

Not to mention that it would also grant me an opportunity to mingle with students from different backgrounds in a multicultural environment whilst experiencing the XXXX culture.



I hope you put my application into consideration. Thank you.



Yours faithfully,