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Masanori Takaoka Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

Any corrections? (no.1)

The haven now was sunk from sight and Lookfar’s painted eyes, wave-drenched, looked ahead on seas ever wider and more desolate. In two days and nights the companions made the crossing from Iffish to Soders Island, a hundred miles of foul weather and contrary winds. They stayed in port there only briefly, long enough to refill a waterskin, and to buy a tar-smeared sailcloth to protect some of their gear in the undecked boat from seawater and rain. They had not provided this earlier, because ordinarily a wizard looks after such small conveniences by way of spells, the very least and commonest kind of spells, and indeed it takes little more magic to freshen seawater and so save the bother of carrying fresh water.
  

Top answer

I like it. The only suggestion is regarding the final (rather long) sentence. The words 'more than' are usually part of a comparison; so I rearranged the clauses to allow this.

  • I like it.
  • The only suggestion is regarding the final (rather long) sentence.
  • The words 'more than' are usually part of a comparison; so I rearranged the clauses to allow this.
  • ) Indeed, it takes little more than the very least and commonest kind of spell to freshen seawater and save the bother of carrying fresh water.
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1 Answers
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I like it. The only suggestion is regarding the final (rather long) sentence. The words 'more than' are usually part of a comparison; so I rearranged the clauses to allow this. (Period after spells.)
Indeed, it takes little more than the very least and commonest kind of spell to freshen seawater and save the bother of carrying fresh water.

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