Answering machine

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ACTUAL ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS RECORDED AND VERIFIED BY THE WORLD FAMOUS
INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF ANSWERING MACHINE ANSWERS.

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll
get back to you as soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents,
please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am Matt's answering machine. What are you?

7. This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone,
think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

8. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I
don't call back, it's you.

9. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.