And still I wish for her happiness...

0Well, this is my first try. please read this and suggest me how can i make my writings even better.02br
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00Alone I sit and remember. Remember those days when we used to be together. Me and her, hands in hands, we used to spend most of the time with each other. She used to be the reason for my existence. And I used to be the one whom she loved. 02br
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00I still don’t know what made us meet was a fate, a destiny or it was mare a co-incident. Whatever it was, the result was painful. It was not love on first sight. When we first met I didn’t feel anything special. I never believed in love. Those stories of love for me where pain, sacrifice and the dialogues like “I can’t live without you” or “You are the reason I am alive”, were attached, existed only in books or movies. I never felt they had anything to do with real life. 02br
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00On the first meeting itself, we talked for hours where she told me about herself and I did too. One can say we became friends on the first meeting itself. For long we talked and many things we talked. The day passed. And after that we started meeting frequently. We talked different things; our past, our present and even future plans and aims. When we used to talk about love, our thoughts never met. On one side I was there who never believed in love and on other was she who not only believed in love but wanted me to believe in it too. When ever we had those talks I commonly used to say “Fine than; you be my girlfriend and perhaps I’ll also know what love really is; or even there is such thing as sacrifice and trust in love or not.” That was the best thing to tell to end the conversation, coz after that she’d drop the topic. On that moment her face would look so red and her expressions used to be completely changed that I used to say that frequently. I used to ask to be my girlfriend and make me believe in love again and again. Our talks in phone were long too. The clock would stick 1 or 2 at night when we cut the line. When she had exams or I was busy, we couldn’t talk for few days but as soon as we were free, the same routine used to continue. 02br
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00One day she suddenly asked “Did you really mean it when you asked me to be your girlfriend?? Do you ask every girl the same question?? You know, I was so silly. I took it seriously and started feeling about you. I’ve started loving you.”02br
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00I didn’t know what to say. I did used to joke around but with her it was bit more. I don’t know the reason why I did so. Speaking honestly I used to say it to every girl who thought there is love and wanted me to believe in it too. But no one took it seriously every before. They all used to know I was just joking . But she took it seriously. She took each and every word I said seriously right from the first talk. At that time I was speechless. I didn’t know what should my reply to her be – Yes I do; or No you are the only one. Without thinking I lied to her; I took the second option. 02br
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00The whole night that day I thought about her. I thought, “Was it right I did??” or even “Was I ever serious when I told her all those words?” I thought that for some days. Those days I didn’t talk to her. I just kept asking myself again and again. On one hand I was longing to talk to her while in other I was not sure what was I gonna tell her if she called me again. Her words were still stuck in my mind. After thinking for long finally I got the answer. The answer was “I love her as well”.02br
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00Next day, the first thing I did was called her. She couldn’t receive the call for she was in college. So I waited till her college was over. Each second passed like hours. Finally her classes were over and she called me back and said, “Sorry. I was in class so couldn’t receive your call. What is it?? Today you called so early. Is anything special??” I said, “Yes. Can you meet me today?? I’ve got something to tell you.” She agreed. The place and time was fixed. I took out my favorite pair of clothes, put on my favorite perfume, went to floweriest and took a red rose for her. From there I went directly to the place where we agreed to meet. I was three hours early. I waited for her. When she arrived, I couldn’t remove my eyes off her. She was looking more beautiful than ever. She was wearing the dress which I liked a lot on her. Perhaps she knew what I was going to say. When she came near me and asked why such sudden plan, I gave her the rose and told her that I love her. I told her everything and asked her to be my girlfriend not just as a joke but for real. She said yes.02br
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00After that, our talk on the phone became even longer. We started meeting more frequently than ever. I thanked her for coming to my life. If she wouldn’t be there I would have missed to see how beautiful the love is. She made me realize that the Love and sacrifice do not only exist in books or movies but they are in real life too. Whenever we were free or had holidays, we used to go out. Me and her, hands in hands, we used to spend most of the time with each other. She used to be the reason for my existence. And I used to be the one whom she loved. The dialogues in movies now seemed to be true. Now I couldn’t live without her. She was my love, my life, my everything.02br
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00 Now when everything was going fine and well, my life took a sudden twist. As I was trying for a college in abroad, my application was accepted. I got admission. Now the time came for me to leave her and go. Before leaving, we met and talked about our love. We promised each other to write or call whenever possible. I promised to call her as soon as I reach the college and we departed. For the first time, I regretted for the situation I was in. On one hand I had her, whom I loved the most and in next I had my career, my future. 02br
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00 When I reached college, things didn’t go as well as I’d thought. I got problems regarding the college formalities and accommodation due to which I couldn’t call her sooner. After five days there, when I got bit free, first thing I did was tried her number but it was unreachable. I tried a lot but couldn’t succeed. Then I went to cybercafé to write to her. When I reached there, I was extremely happy to find her mail in the inbox. But as I opened it all my happiness flew away. I was shocked by reading it. I couldn’t believe that she had no trust on me. On reading the first lines she’d wrote, I thought it was some kind of joke. The starting was, “Ok fine. I got the point. You were never serious about me. All you were doing was playing with me, playing with my feelings…” But no, it was not joke. She seemed to be serious. I read the mail 3-4 times to make sure the mail meant the same what I understood and nothing else. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. From there I directly went to my room and started trying her number. Late night I reached her number. When she received the phone I was totally unaware what to say. The first thing came from my mouth was “What the s**t was the mail about??” and her reply was “That was truth; the truth that I felt.”02br
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00Her voice was changed. Or let’s say she was changed. The reason for what she wrote was nothing but the delay of 5 days to call her. I explained her why I couldn’t call or write and said sorry. She at that point seemed to have understood that but after that our relation never was the same.02br
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00 Our talk on phone gradually became less. Instead we used to get online and chat. I don’t know if the reason was because “That is what I felt” or something else but on the chat after another, her love seemed to be getting lost. After few days she suddenly said, “You know, I thought a lot about our relation and now I think it’s not love. It’s some attraction or something but I don’t think its love.” I asked her what should it be for being love and not attraction but she didn’t have answer. All she said is, “I don’t know but I think we should be just friends. Good friends in fact but I don’t want to get engaged in love and think only about this and destroy my future and career. This is the time to study, to build the career.” I don’t know why she didn’t think this before and doing it now. I told her, “If this is the thing, I can wait for you.” But after that she was never clear. Either she was confused or she wanted to confuse me perhaps either god knows it or her. 02br
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00 On each chat or mail I tried to tell how much I loved her and my life would be a hell without her. And also no matter what I could wait for her. But she said “Please don’t wait for me.” I asked her why. And the reply she gave, I don’t know it was funny, silly or sensible but she said, “Please don’t take me wrong but you know I want to do MBBS and even if we get married later, the relation might not work. See, being doctor sometimes I’d need to stay late, cannot give proper time for family and I think only a doctor can understand this.”02br
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00 I tried a lot to change her mind. I told her there are hundreds of couples from different profession but the love and the understanding is never less in them. After saying so sometimes she seemed to have understood and again sometimes she used to repeat the same. When ever I wanted to talk about our relation, either she gave confused thoughts, or changed the topic or stayed quiet. I did my best for the relation to work but couldn’t help myself alone. One day finally I asked, “I am going to ask you for the last time and this time u can’t escape it. Anything you say else than yes or no, I’ll take it as no and this time u can’t stay quiet either. So tell me do you or do you not love me. Do you want to continue this relation or not??” Her answer was clear this time. No. 02br
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00 From that day, that instant, everything is finished. We do sometimes get online same times but the talking is very less. For saying we are friends but there is nothing like friends in us. It’s just a forced relation. 02br
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00 What I’ve just written here is our love from my point of view. If she writes this same story, it might be different. She might perhaps show that I am guilty or perhaps not. And if she reads this she might ask me, “What the s**t was that about??” and I would reply, “That was truth; the truth that I felt.”02br
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00 Whatever be, I loved her and will always do. Though my first love was broken, or let’s say she broke my first love and my heart, but I still wish her she gets a good doctor, who can understand her and love her as much as I did. And I still wish for her happiness… 0-