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Damiana Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
An RPG character description to be proof-read
I feel a bit embarrassed to ask for assistance with such a negligible matter. Nevertheless, I’d be very thankful if someone spares a few minutes reading the description of RPG character I wrote for a text-based game. It would be a lie to tell that I am joining the game with the only purpose to refine my English; this is, most of all, an entertainment. And I know that time is priceless.
But… please?
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To that time many grew weary of the world, but the fire of life still burns strong in Gilmoriel, for she had seen the stars just when the bruises and harm, done to Elves in the Battle of Dagorlad, started to settle down. Averse to be whirled along with unbridled temper and fearing for the regrets to come, she curbs herself at a moment of rage, holding her deeds back in hope to be restrained from folly. When not a prey to conceit, she keeps her heart open to the words of wisdom, yet her every judgment is of her own and she adheres to these closely.
Beauty of life, art and all things handcrafted holds Gilmoriel in great honour, having the equal esteem for the delights of lore. No teacher would be loath to have an apprentice as eager and keen; but when endowing with knowledge of her own, she is quick to loose patience and stern to those who fail her expectations. Yet the habit to disdain the slowness of mind is far overshadowed by fret and shame that possess Gilmoriel whenever she takes the smallest wrong step, for she demands much, yet the most from herself. And lenient is she to Man, for their age is short and withering swift, still many long for secrets of earth and water, fire and air, herbs and beasts, and the strivings of these are to be well emboldened.
Distasting the witless, Gilmoriel has even less concern for those callous of heart, whereas those who praise lore and joy of creation are amidst her dearest friends. Unwilling to deprive of life and abhorring destruction, she puts her trust in the might of words, using the slightest chance to call for the vestige of light still abiding within foes, and resorts to her skills but for defense, unless seized by wrath or seeing her allies at peril. No love for violent deeds has Gilmoriel, and yet may be called ruthless by some stung with darts of her arrogant scorns.
Seldom indeed are her features placid, and mostly remind of a restive sea. Splendour of storm pleases her more than calm and tranquility, as she feels akin to the tempest, and rhymes of tragedy enchant her beyond any songs of bliss. Few heard her voice blending with a melody or chorus, yet Gilmoriel longs for dance and any of hers is accompanied by muted chime of silver bells. So great is the delight she takes in beauty, a sight of grace and splendour may lure her away in the realm of reveries, and bleeding wounds of Arda torment her as those of her own.
But… please?
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To that time many grew weary of the world, but the fire of life still burns strong in Gilmoriel, for she had seen the stars just when the bruises and harm, done to Elves in the Battle of Dagorlad, started to settle down. Averse to be whirled along with unbridled temper and fearing for the regrets to come, she curbs herself at a moment of rage, holding her deeds back in hope to be restrained from folly. When not a prey to conceit, she keeps her heart open to the words of wisdom, yet her every judgment is of her own and she adheres to these closely.
Beauty of life, art and all things handcrafted holds Gilmoriel in great honour, having the equal esteem for the delights of lore. No teacher would be loath to have an apprentice as eager and keen; but when endowing with knowledge of her own, she is quick to loose patience and stern to those who fail her expectations. Yet the habit to disdain the slowness of mind is far overshadowed by fret and shame that possess Gilmoriel whenever she takes the smallest wrong step, for she demands much, yet the most from herself. And lenient is she to Man, for their age is short and withering swift, still many long for secrets of earth and water, fire and air, herbs and beasts, and the strivings of these are to be well emboldened.
Distasting the witless, Gilmoriel has even less concern for those callous of heart, whereas those who praise lore and joy of creation are amidst her dearest friends. Unwilling to deprive of life and abhorring destruction, she puts her trust in the might of words, using the slightest chance to call for the vestige of light still abiding within foes, and resorts to her skills but for defense, unless seized by wrath or seeing her allies at peril. No love for violent deeds has Gilmoriel, and yet may be called ruthless by some stung with darts of her arrogant scorns.
Seldom indeed are her features placid, and mostly remind of a restive sea. Splendour of storm pleases her more than calm and tranquility, as she feels akin to the tempest, and rhymes of tragedy enchant her beyond any songs of bliss. Few heard her voice blending with a melody or chorus, yet Gilmoriel longs for dance and any of hers is accompanied by muted chime of silver bells. So great is the delight she takes in beauty, a sight of grace and splendour may lure her away in the realm of reveries, and bleeding wounds of Arda torment her as those of her own.
Top answer
Hi, I've made some changes, so read carefully. I think you have done an outstanding job of writing in this particular kind of style. Enjoy your game, Clive In that time many grew weary of the world, but the fire of life still burns strong in Gilmoriel, for she has seen the stars, just when the bruises and harm done to Elves in the Battle of Dagorlad started to settle down.
- Hi, I've made some changes, so read carefully.
- I think you have done an outstanding job of writing in this particular kind of style.
- Enjoy your game, Clive In that time many grew weary of the world, but the fire of life still burns strong in Gilmoriel, for she has seen the stars, just when the bruises and harm done to Elves in the Battle of Dagorlad started to settle down.
- Averse to being whirled along with unbridled temper and fearing for the regrets to come, she curbs herself at a moment of rage, holding her deeds back in hope to be restrained from folly.
- When not a prey to conceit, she keeps her heart open to the words of wisdom, yet her every judgment is of her own and she adheres to these closely.
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4 Answers
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Hi,
I've made some changes, so read carefully. I think you have done an outstanding job of writing in this particular kind of style.
Enjoy your game, Clive
In that time many grew weary of the world, but the fire of life still burns strong in Gilmoriel, for she has seen the stars, just when the bruises and harm done to Elves in the Battle of Dagorla
I've made some changes, so read carefully. I think you have done an outstanding job of writing in this particular kind of style.
Enjoy your game, Clive
In that time many grew weary of the world, but the fire of life still burns strong in Gilmoriel, for she has seen the stars, just when the bruises and harm done to Elves in the Battle of Dagorla
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Thank you so much once again, Clive!
I have a question, or rather, I'd like to specify something.
but when endowed with knowledge of her own...
This was intended to mean "when sharing with knowledge of her own", i.e. "teaching someone". Don't I need an active participle instead of a passive one here?
And lenient is she
I have a question, or rather, I'd like to specify something.
but when endowed with knowledge of her own...
This was intended to mean "when sharing with knowledge of her own", i.e. "teaching someone". Don't I need an active participle instead of a passive one here?
And lenient is she
00
Hi again,
but when endowed with knowledge of her own...
This was intended to mean "when sharing with knowledge of her own", i.e. "teaching someone". Don't I need an active participle instead of a passive one here? Yes. I misunderstood your meaning. Say 'But
but when endowed with knowledge of her own...
This was intended to mean "when sharing with knowledge of her own", i.e. "teaching someone". Don't I need an active participle instead of a passive one here? Yes. I misunderstood your meaning. Say 'But
00
I am going to repeat myself: thank you once again, Clive, for your assiscance as well as for the flattering comment on my work. You've made me feel proud of myself =)
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