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Amirmg Posted 10 years ago
Vocabulary
An introduction about age of retirement
Hi,
I would be thankful if you could check the introduction I wrote for the following topic.
Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are a lot of people who are of the opinion that due to (the) recent advances in medical science in (the) past 50 years and longer (lifespan of human beings / human beings' lifespan) the age of retirement had better increase noticeably while some others are completely against this. When it comes to this debate, I maintain that raising retirement age serves as a double-edged sword. In this essay I will attempt to elaborate on my standpoints.
Thanks in advance,
Swan
I would be thankful if you could check the introduction I wrote for the following topic.
Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are a lot of people who are of the opinion that due to (the) recent advances in medical science in (the) past 50 years and longer (lifespan of human beings / human beings' lifespan) the age of retirement had better increase noticeably while some others are completely against this. When it comes to this debate, I maintain that raising retirement age serves as a double-edged sword. In this essay I will attempt to elaborate on my standpoints.
Thanks in advance,
Swan
Top answer
You are not writing about the given topic. Clive
- You are not writing about the given topic.
- Clive
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6 Answers
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Dear all,
The correct topic is as follow:
Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raise considerably.
To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Best Regards,
Amir
The correct topic is as follow:
Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raise considerably.
To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Best Regards,
Amir
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You are too wordy, Amir. Readers soon lose patience with long-winded ways of saying things. This is what your paragraph boils down to:
Many think that because of recent advances in medicine and our consequent longevity, the age of retirement should be extended, while others disagree. I maintain that extending the retirement age is a double-edged sword.
Many think that because of recent advances in medicine and our consequent longevity, the age of retirement should be extended, while others disagree. I maintain that extending the retirement age is a double-edged sword.
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I am preparing to take IELTS exam and in task two of the the exam I have to write about 250 words. That is why I am trying to explain everything with lots of words.
I would appreciate if you could tell if you recognized English is not my mother tongue. In another words I am keen to know how natural my writing seems to you.
Thanks,
Amir
I would appreciate if you could tell if you recognized English is not my mother tongue. In another words I am keen to know how natural my writing seems to you.
Thanks,
Amir
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AmirmgThat is why I am trying to explain everything with lots of words.That is the first weakness the IELTS staff look for: someone using words for filler only. You must use enouugh different facts, details and examples to fulfil the minimum word count.
AmirmgI would appreciate if you could tell if you recognized English is not
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Thank you so much for your proper comment. I hope I can reduce the points you mentioned here.
Regards,
Amir
Regards,
Amir
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