An incident

Question

Please help me to correct them. please.One Sunday night, Susan walked home after shopping. On her way home, the road was deserted and dark. It was quite late about / around 10 o'clock. She decided to take a  short cut .  When she walked by / past the playground, she was quite frightened. Around 10 minutes later, two suspicious men appeared from the bushes and stopped her.  /  Suddenly, two suspicious men followed her for a distance and stopped her from the behind. One of them held her hand and the other / another men grabbed her handbag from behind. She was stunned at that moment / for a while. She immediately screamed loudly for help, but in vain. Both two men had run away with her handbag. Unfortuantely, there was nobody around to help her. They got on/ into the waiting car and sped off / escaped. Susan was very upset and tears into cheeks because she could not do anything.

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

Keeping to your words as much as possible, here are the changes I would make. (Bold words are my additions, crossed-out words are my deletions of the original.)

One Sunday night, Susan walked home after shopping. ~~On her way home,~~ The road going home was deserted and dark. It was quite late, ~~about /~~ around 10 o'clock. She decided to take a short cut . When she walked ~~by /~~ past the playground, she grew ~~was quite~~ frightened.

~~Around 10 minutes later, two suspicious men appeared from the bushes and stopped her. / Suddenly, t~~Two suspicious men appeared behind her and followed her for a distance before coming up and stopping her ~~and stopped her from the behind~~. One of them held her hand ~~and~~ while the other ~~/ another men~~ grabbed her handbag from behind. She was stunned ~~at that moment /~~ for a while.

She immediately screamed loudly for help, but in vain. Unfortunately, there was nobody around to help her. Both ~~two~~ men had run away with her handbag. ~~Unfortuantely, there was nobody around to help her.~~ They got ~~on/~~ into the waiting car and sped off ~~/ escaped~~. Susan was very upset and tears covered her ~~into~~ cheeks because she could not do anything.

Here are my comments.
Paragraph One: The subject of the second sentence is she. So another way to correct the sentence would be to say "On her way home, she found the streets dark and deserted."
"About" and "by" could also be used--my choices are simply preferences here. "Was frightened" implies that something caused her to be frightened, and since you do not say what that might be, you are better off saying "she grew frightened."
Paragraph Two: Either the men came out of the bushes or they came up from behind her. Choose one. "While" because the actions of the men occur at the same time. For the last sentence, I would have written "She was briefly stunned," but I wanted to stick closer to your wording.
Paragraph Three: Improve the flow of the story by grouping the actions together rather than intermixing them. She called for help. There was no one to help. The men ran away. They got into a car.
"Escape" implies pursuit--no one was chasing them, so use "sped off."
I hope this helps.

An incident

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