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Raubt Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
An essay conclusion...
Hi, it's late at night here, and I'm going insane with the following conclusion for an essay which I'm writing for a marketing class. Something about this doesn't feel right to me, like the main aspects of the three parts of this sentence (broken up by two commas) don't gramatically relate to each other or something. Anyway, I've been looking at this sentence for half an hour and can't quite wrap my head around it, so I was wondering if anyone here can give me a little insight.
The gist of the essay is about the marketing strategies of the DC Shoe Company. Here's the conclusion:
"DC has clearly shown that its marketing abilities are second to none, and when joined with the incredible business acumen of its leaders, there is simply no telling what the future will hold for the DC Shoe Company."
I'm trying to say that "good marketing strategy + incredible business acumen = limitless future," but the mechanics of that sentence seem a little off in conveying my point.
Any help at all would be appreciated.
The gist of the essay is about the marketing strategies of the DC Shoe Company. Here's the conclusion:
"DC has clearly shown that its marketing abilities are second to none, and when joined with the incredible business acumen of its leaders, there is simply no telling what the future will hold for the DC Shoe Company."
I'm trying to say that "good marketing strategy + incredible business acumen = limitless future," but the mechanics of that sentence seem a little off in conveying my point.
Any help at all would be appreciated.
Top answer
DC has clearly shown that its marketing abilities are second to none, and when joined with the incredible business acumen of its leaders, there is simply no telling what the future will hold for the DC Shoe Company. I think I understand what you mean, and yet if there is a problem it is too subtle to lay my fingers upon. If it were mine, I would break it apart more clearly and thin down the verbiage: DC has clearly shown that its marketing abilities are second to none; given this and their incredible business acumen, there is simply no telling what the future will hold for the company .
- DC has clearly shown that its marketing abilities are second to none, and when joined with the incredible business acumen of its leaders, there is simply no telling what the future will hold for the DC Shoe Company.
- I think I understand what you mean, and yet if there is a problem it is too subtle to lay my fingers upon.
- If it were mine, I would break it apart more clearly and thin down the verbiage: DC has clearly shown that its marketing abilities are second to none; given this and their incredible business acumen, there is simply no telling what the future will hold for the company .
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2 Answers
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DC has clearly shown that its marketing abilities are second to none, and when joined with the incredible business acumen of its leaders, there is simply no telling what the future will hold for the DC Shoe Company.
I think I understand what you mean, and yet if there is a problem it is too subtle to lay my fingers upon. If it were mine, I would break it apart
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Yes, thank you! That flows a lot better and is much more "comfortable" to read (if that makes any sense).
Thanks for your help!
Thanks for your help!
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