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Alemrosa Posted 9 years ago
An english short poem
Hello people. Do you think the poem below is OK, or is there any verse that sounds strange? Thanks a lot.
Hedonism
What to say?
What to do?
What to believe?
Questions with no answers
To what you need and are, sir.
Sorrow will come tomorrow
Life will get to an end
But today arises
And throws the body
To its desire
Where there's no sorrow
Where there's no blame.
-----
Hedonism
What to say?
What to do?
What to believe?
Questions with no answers
To what you need and are, sir.
Sorrow will come tomorrow
Life will get to an end
But today arises
And throws the body
To its desire
Where there's no sorrow
Where there's no blame.
-----
Top answer
alemrosa is there any verse that sounds strange? I don't understand why you used 'sir'. Also, I think it is mistitled; it doesn't seem to have anything to do with hedonism.
- alemrosa is there any verse that sounds strange?
- I don't understand why you used 'sir'.
- Also, I think it is mistitled; it doesn't seem to have anything to do with hedonism.
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10 Answers
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alemrosa is there any verse that sounds strange?I don't understand why you used 'sir'. Also, I think it is mistitled; it doesn't seem to have anything to do with hedonism.
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Hello, good morning. I'll check it out and repost it later. Thanks for answering.
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Sir refers to the reader (and also there's the intention of create a rhyme "answers" "and are sir"; hedonism refers to desire, pleasure (cause, with tomorrow, comes death, the end). That was the idea. Do you think it's wrong, or it's not clear?
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Addressing the reader changes the perspective; it's counterproductive. And there is no reason for rhyme there, since no other lines rhyme.
Hedonism is a positive philosophy; that is why the term seems inappropriate.
Hedonism is a positive philosophy; that is why the term seems inappropriate.
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Hi, Mister Micawber, good morning! Thanks a lot for your help. What do you thkink now, is it better?
Carpe diem
What to say?
What to do?
What to believe?
Questions with no answers
To what you need and are.
Sorrow will come tomorrow
Life will get to an end
But today arises
And throws the body
To its desire
Where there's no sorrow
Carpe diem
What to say?
What to do?
What to believe?
Questions with no answers
To what you need and are.
Sorrow will come tomorrow
Life will get to an end
But today arises
And throws the body
To its desire
Where there's no sorrow
00
Yes, much better that way, I think.
Rhythm could be tweaked here perhaps:
Sorrow comes tomorrow,
Life comes to an end
Rhythm could be tweaked here perhaps:
Sorrow comes tomorrow,
Life comes to an end
00
Great! I am glad you like it. I think the way you suggested is better. See it now:
Carpe diem
What to say?
What to do?
What to believe?
Questions with no answers
To what you need and are.
Sorrow comes tomorrow
Life comes to an end
But today arises
And throws the body
To its desire
Where there's no sorrow
Where there's no blame.
Carpe diem
What to say?
What to do?
What to believe?
Questions with no answers
To what you need and are.
Sorrow comes tomorrow
Life comes to an end
But today arises
And throws the body
To its desire
Where there's no sorrow
Where there's no blame.
00
0
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