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Ellisa Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
An anecdote writing- need your grammar check!
Hello, Lovely teachers!
I wrote the following paragraph as a writing practice.
Please check any ingrammarticality(is the word right?) or unnatural expressions.
Thanks a lot ;D
This story goes back about 5 years ago when I stayed in NZ to learn English. As usual, I had sushi as lunch. While taking afternoon class, I had to come in and out frequently because of my upset stomach. Finally, I left the class 2 hours early and headed for hospital. After examining my stomach here and there, the doctor prescribed me some pills saying, "Stay away from the greasy food!". Hello - _- the last pizza I consumed was a week ago! I had been on a diet for one and a half week! My stomach problem is due to the (presuming)stale fish no greasy foods! The cost of seeing the doctor was... 110 NZ dollar and that amount of money was equivalent to my week's rent!!! In addition, it costs me extra 60~70 dollars to buy the prescribed medicine. What a rip-off!(I knew it's not really a rip-off, but I felt like that as a foreign student. No offense!) With the most expensive pills in my life, I got home, refused to eat dinner and sat on to my desk to do my homework. (What a nice student!) That's the end of my memory that day. I was found at 2PM the next day by my home-stay mother, falling down from the chair, lying on the dust-entangled carpet. OMG...What happened to me?!
I guess the medicine was too strong for me to stand(bear). As a result, I fainted or fell a sleep suddenly. That was the second and the last day of taking a shower for more than 20 minutes under the permission of my home-stay mother... ;D I miss her!
I wrote the following paragraph as a writing practice.
Please check any ingrammarticality(is the word right?) or unnatural expressions.
Thanks a lot ;D
This story goes back about 5 years ago when I stayed in NZ to learn English. As usual, I had sushi as lunch. While taking afternoon class, I had to come in and out frequently because of my upset stomach. Finally, I left the class 2 hours early and headed for hospital. After examining my stomach here and there, the doctor prescribed me some pills saying, "Stay away from the greasy food!". Hello - _- the last pizza I consumed was a week ago! I had been on a diet for one and a half week! My stomach problem is due to the (presuming)stale fish no greasy foods! The cost of seeing the doctor was... 110 NZ dollar and that amount of money was equivalent to my week's rent!!! In addition, it costs me extra 60~70 dollars to buy the prescribed medicine. What a rip-off!(I knew it's not really a rip-off, but I felt like that as a foreign student. No offense!) With the most expensive pills in my life, I got home, refused to eat dinner and sat on to my desk to do my homework. (What a nice student!) That's the end of my memory that day. I was found at 2PM the next day by my home-stay mother, falling down from the chair, lying on the dust-entangled carpet. OMG...What happened to me?!
I guess the medicine was too strong for me to stand(bear). As a result, I fainted or fell a sleep suddenly. That was the second and the last day of taking a shower for more than 20 minutes under the permission of my home-stay mother... ;D I miss her!
Top answer
This is how I might revise it, based on current US usage: This incident took place five years ago, when I was in New Zealand to study English. One day I had sushi for lunch. Something must have been wrong with it, because during my afternoon class I had to leave the room several times to go to the bathroom.
- This is how I might revise it, based on current US usage: This incident took place five years ago, when I was in New Zealand to study English.
- One day I had sushi for lunch.
- Something must have been wrong with it, because during my afternoon class I had to leave the room several times to go to the bathroom.
- It was so bad that finally I had to leave class two hours early and go to the hospital.
- " But wait a minute, sushi isn't greasy, and the last pizza I'd had was a week before.
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2 Answers
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This is how I might revise it, based on current US usage:
This incident took place five years ago, when I was in New Zealand to study English. One day I had sushi for lunch. Something must have been wrong with it, because during my afternoon class I had to leave the room several times to go to the bathroom. It was so bad that finally I had to leave class two hours early and go to the h
This incident took place five years ago, when I was in New Zealand to study English. One day I had sushi for lunch. Something must have been wrong with it, because during my afternoon class I had to leave the room several times to go to the bathroom. It was so bad that finally I had to leave class two hours early and go to the h
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What a perfect essay it is!
Though the last part of it has totally different meanings to my intention, I love it.
I should try to memorize the sentences so that I can use it later in a similar situations.
I guess there's a far way to go...
Thanks again!!
Though the last part of it has totally different meanings to my intention, I love it.
I should try to memorize the sentences so that I can use it later in a similar situations.
I guess there's a far way to go...
Thanks again!!
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