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Anonymous Posted 20 years ago
Alive
Alive
Black is in the air
Words of beauty and fair
They sadly say
Talking about yesterday
In such a sorrow!
Why not talking about tomorrow?!
Why are eyes so bright?
Joyfully shinning through night
Or tears are flowing inside,
Without falling…
They park to side?!
Leaves seem very tough
Don’t know from where they come
Fallen from above?
Or wind raised them up?
Who knows why it’s candles
Instead of a pulp!!
Music is soft in background
And a poem blows with a sweet sound
Is it true someone is reading?
Or memory is just repeating
A scene of life, laughing
With some friends, maybe five,
Why now in sadness they dive?!
White in white
White is all I see
Loose not tight
What could it be?
Don’t know how
I’m with an angel now?
In heaven, torture we sell!
Oh, I realized
I fell.
But why is it said
I’m now dead?!!
Black is in the air
Words of beauty and fair
They sadly say
Talking about yesterday
In such a sorrow!
Why not talking about tomorrow?!
Why are eyes so bright?
Joyfully shinning through night
Or tears are flowing inside,
Without falling…
They park to side?!
Leaves seem very tough
Don’t know from where they come
Fallen from above?
Or wind raised them up?
Who knows why it’s candles
Instead of a pulp!!
Music is soft in background
And a poem blows with a sweet sound
Is it true someone is reading?
Or memory is just repeating
A scene of life, laughing
With some friends, maybe five,
Why now in sadness they dive?!
White in white
White is all I see
Loose not tight
What could it be?
Don’t know how
I’m with an angel now?
In heaven, torture we sell!
Oh, I realized
I fell.
But why is it said
I’m now dead?!!
Top answer
Your poem is the slave of rhyme, creating meaningless or irrelevant phrases. Destroy it and try your idea again. Concentrate on what you want to say and be sure that the words reflect that.
- Your poem is the slave of rhyme, creating meaningless or irrelevant phrases.
- Destroy it and try your idea again.
- Concentrate on what you want to say and be sure that the words reflect that.
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1 Answers
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Your poem is the slave of rhyme, creating meaningless or irrelevant phrases. Destroy it and try your idea again. Concentrate on what you want to say and be sure that the words reflect that.
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