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Pructus Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

After 20 years

The couple broke up about 20 years ago. Now he is waiting for her with a cigarette (in his mouth), ecause they had promised to meet gain, at the same time and place, after 20 years.
  

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I can't edit this post through smartphone. The question was to ask if the composition was OK....

— Pructus

  • I can't edit this post through smartphone.
  • The question was to ask if the composition was OK....
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3 Answers
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I can't edit this post through smartphone.
The question was to ask if the composition was OK....
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I'd eliminate the brackets. And 'lips' sounds better to me than 'mouth'.

I wouldn't use Past Perfect.

'About' sounds wrong.

The couple broke up exactly 20 years ago. Now he is waiting for her, with a cigarette in his lips, because they
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CliveThe couple broke up exactly 20 years ago. Now he is waiting for her, with a cigarette in his lips, because they promised to meet again, at the same time and place, after 20 years.
Oh, this is really good, Clive....

Thanks so much!!
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