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Luckyfish Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Advice on a fresh graduate composition is highly appreciated
In order to sharpened my writing for the business world, I aim at writing an article every month.
Your great help in providing feedback is quite useful for a youngster.
Please help in spotting any weakness in my article so that I know which place I should improve (e.g am I present my idea clearly? any illogic flow?)
Question:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become a financially responsible adult, people should be taught how to manage money at an early age.
Recently, lots of recent university graduates go bankrupt. One may put the blame on the government for insufficient employment opportunities, which caused the young adults unable to pay their bills. With a closer look at this issue, however, a majority go bankrupt simply because of overconsumption. They buy too much branded goods and cannot pay the accumulating credit card bill. It is sad that recently there is a mid-twenty become a drifter, with his Louis VittXn purse, GucXi handbag and other luxury belongings. In light of improving this situation, how can we foster financially responsible adult?
Learning money management at one’s early age is a feasible and effective way to deal with this situation. It is easier to train up a kid for a new habit than an adult, not to mention an elderly.
If making a monthly budget become a child habit, it is foreseeable he will keep this habit when he are grown up. On the contrary, it is hard to alter someone’s habit, especially when one is used to it. If an adult is used to spend all his income, or even including his future cash flow, the chance of conveying money management message can be difficult.
Despite the ease of learning, the ease of achieving financially responsible can be another advantage for early education in money management. If one have built up a large pile of debt which exceeded or nearly exceed his/her repaying ability, it is hard for him to be financially responsible to repay the debt, except for bankruptcy. However, with a correct concept on money management in his early lives, he can achieve the right track. It will be much easier for him to achieve financially responsibility. Once he manages to do it, it will create a positive reinforcement which encourage him to repeat this habit.
Kids or teenagers, who do not have much income to handle, may seem not suitable to learn money management. They are too young to understand the concept and importance of money management. Actually, the less of income and expenditure to handle make it easier for them to apply the concept of money management. They do not need to worry much about future interest rate which may affect the mortgage payment, nor setting the budget for the expense incurred for whole family. Making deposit by a portion of their pocket money, the youngsters can set a simple financial goal for them to achieve.
It can be concluded that money management should be fostered to youngster. The education of money management should never be too early for anyone, but only too late for them.
Your great help in providing feedback is quite useful for a youngster.
Please help in spotting any weakness in my article so that I know which place I should improve (e.g am I present my idea clearly? any illogic flow?)
Question:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become a financially responsible adult, people should be taught how to manage money at an early age.
Recently, lots of recent university graduates go bankrupt. One may put the blame on the government for insufficient employment opportunities, which caused the young adults unable to pay their bills. With a closer look at this issue, however, a majority go bankrupt simply because of overconsumption. They buy too much branded goods and cannot pay the accumulating credit card bill. It is sad that recently there is a mid-twenty become a drifter, with his Louis VittXn purse, GucXi handbag and other luxury belongings. In light of improving this situation, how can we foster financially responsible adult?
Learning money management at one’s early age is a feasible and effective way to deal with this situation. It is easier to train up a kid for a new habit than an adult, not to mention an elderly.
If making a monthly budget become a child habit, it is foreseeable he will keep this habit when he are grown up. On the contrary, it is hard to alter someone’s habit, especially when one is used to it. If an adult is used to spend all his income, or even including his future cash flow, the chance of conveying money management message can be difficult.
Despite the ease of learning, the ease of achieving financially responsible can be another advantage for early education in money management. If one have built up a large pile of debt which exceeded or nearly exceed his/her repaying ability, it is hard for him to be financially responsible to repay the debt, except for bankruptcy. However, with a correct concept on money management in his early lives, he can achieve the right track. It will be much easier for him to achieve financially responsibility. Once he manages to do it, it will create a positive reinforcement which encourage him to repeat this habit.
Kids or teenagers, who do not have much income to handle, may seem not suitable to learn money management. They are too young to understand the concept and importance of money management. Actually, the less of income and expenditure to handle make it easier for them to apply the concept of money management. They do not need to worry much about future interest rate which may affect the mortgage payment, nor setting the budget for the expense incurred for whole family. Making deposit by a portion of their pocket money, the youngsters can set a simple financial goal for them to achieve.
It can be concluded that money management should be fostered to youngster. The education of money management should never be too early for anyone, but only too late for them.
Top answer
Hi lucky - I've made some suggestions on your first paragraph. If you would think carefully about improving the start, then you can continue with the following paragraphs. All the best with your efforts!
- Hi lucky - I've made some suggestions on your first paragraph.
- If you would think carefully about improving the start, then you can continue with the following paragraphs.
- All the best with your efforts!
- I know that writing is not easy and it takes me a lot of effort to lucidly put in writing what I am thinking.
- Regards, A- s Recently , lots of recent university graduates go bankrupt.
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3 Answers
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Hi lucky - I've made some suggestions on your first paragraph. If you would think carefully about improving the start, then you can continue with the following paragraphs.
All the best with your efforts! I know that writing is not easy and it takes me a lot of effort to lucidly put in writing what I am thinking.
Regards, A-
All the best with your efforts! I know that writing is not easy and it takes me a lot of effort to lucidly put in writing what I am thinking.
Regards, A-
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Question:
1. Can I use "a mid-twenty" to describe someone who's age is around 25-26? or young adult can be a better word?
2. (I don't think this is what you mean; the adults who are financially responsible don't need fostering.)
I originally think that finance responsible is like a habit, any better verb that can mean improve/change the behavior of
1. Can I use "a mid-twenty" to describe someone who's age is around 25-26? or young adult can be a better word?
2. (I don't think this is what you mean; the adults who are financially responsible don't need fostering.)
I originally think that finance responsible is like a habit, any better verb that can mean improve/change the behavior of
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luckyfish1. Can I use "a mid-twenty" to describe someone who's age is around 25-26? or young adult can be a better word?Informally, the term "twenty-something" has been recently coined.
More formally, you can say "someone in their mid-twenties."
Young adult is OK, but usually refers to someone in their late teens.
luckyfish
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