Does the sentence structure seen below make sense? The author of the book I am currently reading continues to make use of it. Reading these types of sentences leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth and I was wondering if this is misuse of adverbs or something of that nature:
"At this stage in the story we see emerging a key theme..."
and
"A monk called Malunkyaputta while in retreat became concerned that the Buddha..."
These sections of the sentences seems strange! In the second sentence, I keep wanting to read that the monk's name is "Malunkyaputt Whileinretreat"

Shouldn't they be more like the following (Or, this is how I would write them.)?
"At this stage in the story we see a key theme emerging..."
and
"While in retreat, a monk by the name of Malunkyaputta became concerned that the Buddha..."
Is this author using correct grammar? Perhaps I have never seen this usage before and that's why it seems so foreign? Any thoughts?
Thanks!