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Mkyol Posted 18 years ago
Grammar
adolescents running away
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Can someone tell me what's (possibly) wrong(or unnatural) with the below text please?
The purpose of this thesis is on the analysis of research of prevention measures of adolescents running away from home. About 12% of all junior high school and senior high school students have experience running away from home in the past, and above about 50% of the students have felt the urge to do so. Adolescents have been running away from home for the last 5 years. Especially, increasing number of higher-grade elementary school students, and junior high school students have been running away from home. The reason can be attributed to the increasing rate of divorce in general, resulting in a rapid increase of divorce among young couples. Everyone knows how important an adolescent period is. What would cause the number of adolescents leaving home to not decrease in spite of the awareness?
Can someone tell me what's (possibly) wrong(or unnatural) with the below text please?
The purpose of this thesis is on the analysis of research of prevention measures of adolescents running away from home. About 12% of all junior high school and senior high school students have experience running away from home in the past, and above about 50% of the students have felt the urge to do so. Adolescents have been running away from home for the last 5 years. Especially, increasing number of higher-grade elementary school students, and junior high school students have been running away from home. The reason can be attributed to the increasing rate of divorce in general, resulting in a rapid increase of divorce among young couples. Everyone knows how important an adolescent period is. What would cause the number of adolescents leaving home to not decrease in spite of the awareness?
Top answer
Too wordy; be clear and direct: The purpose of this thesis is to analyze research on measures to prevent adolescents from running away from home. About 12% of all junior and senior high school students have run away from home, and more than 50% have felt the urge to do so. Recently, an increasing number of upper elementary and junior high school students have been running away from home , and this can be attributed to the increasing divorce rate, especially a rapid increase of divorce among young couples.
- Too wordy; be clear and direct: The purpose of this thesis is to analyze research on measures to prevent adolescents from running away from home.
- About 12% of all junior and senior high school students have run away from home, and more than 50% have felt the urge to do so.
- Recently, an increasing number of upper elementary and junior high school students have been running away from home , and this can be attributed to the increasing divorce rate, especially a rapid increase of divorce among young couples.
- What would prevent the increase in number of adolescents leaving home despite this fact ?
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2 Answers
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Too wordy; be clear and direct:
The purpose of this thesis is to analyze research on measures to prevent adolescents from running away from home. About 12% of all junior and senior high school students have run away from home, and more than 50% have felt the urge to do so. Recently, an increasing number of upper element
The purpose of this thesis is to analyze research on measures to prevent adolescents from running away from home. About 12% of all junior and senior high school students have run away from home, and more than 50% have felt the urge to do so. Recently, an increasing number of upper element
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Thanks for the reply Mister Micawber, I can see that my version is quite wordy..
Mkyol
Mkyol
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