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Snarf Posted 14 years ago
Grammar

Action Clause

It's weird: sometimes when I'm writing, I get a stylistic need to write with clauses. I then read what I wrote over, and, if there isn't a clause in a given sentence, I might make it have one. Then time goes by, and, even though I might have read it over dozens of times and been very pleased, I suddenly start second-guessing the clause. For example:

He is speechless and afraid. She whips, with gnashed teeth, the pie smack into his face.

Is that fine grammatically, and, more importantly, is it easy enough to read? Or should it be, "With her teeth gnashed, she whips the pie into his face"?

Thanks.
  

Top answer

Snarf Is that fine grammatically, and, more importantly, is it easy enough to read? I confess I was trying to figure out what "pie smack" was. to whip (something) smack into (something) does not sound very idiomatic to my ear.

— CalifJim

  • Snarf Is that fine grammatically, and, more importantly, is it easy enough to read?
  • I confess I was trying to figure out what "pie smack" was.
  • to whip (something) smack into (something) does not sound very idiomatic to my ear.
  • I think it might be less confusing without the interruption of "with gnashed teeth".
  • Snarf should it be, "With her teeth gnashed, she whips the pie into his face"?
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3 Answers
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SnarfIs that fine grammatically, and, more importantly, is it easy enough to read?
I confess I was trying to figure out what "pie smack" was. to whip (something) smack into (something) does not sound very idiomatic to my ear. I think it might be less confusing without the interruption of "with gnashed teeth".
Snarfshould it be,
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Right. Can I write, "With her teeth still gritted..." instead of "gnashed"?

Thanks.
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SnarfCan I write, "With her teeth still gritted..." instead of "gnashed"?
Sure. "gritted" is a somewhat unusual participle, but it's grammatically fine.

CJ
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