Academis Ielts Writing Task 1 (Map)

Question

Would you mind revising this essay for me? Many thanks from my heart.

Topic: You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

Map of Brandfield with two proposed sites for a shopping mall

Answer:

Given is a picture illustrating two potential locations (S1 and S2) for a new shopping mall in the city called Brandfield.

The main difference between the two sites under consideration is that S1 is in the North, whereas S2 is in the Southeast of the city. The effect of proposals can be compared in terms of access by road or rail, and their positions relative to other main areas.

Looking at the information in more detail, both S1 and S2 are projected to locate near the city center and unfairly far from Gold Course and Park. On the other perspective, while S1 is close to the Housing estate, S2 is in the neighborhood of the Industrial Estate.

There is a main road that runs through the city and is close to both sites. Similarly, S1 and S2 stand just by the railway line, which runs from the southeast of the city to the north-west. Thus, it is uncomplicated to access to either of them by cars or trains. There is a special point when scrutinizing is that S1 surrounds the river, which runs through the city.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

1) Although starting a sentence with "Given is a ..." does occur in a few scientific papers, the authors do not seem to be native English speakers. Starting the sentence in this way does not seem to be natural to me. Band 9 for IELTS specifies "uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features", and I would suggest that the key word here is "natural". -> The picture/diagram illustrates ...

2) "Looking at the information in more detail," : superfluous.

3) "are projected to locate": 'projections' usually relate to figures in the future: it might be easier to start with 'Both the proposed locations are..."

4) "unfairly far ": not found on Google Books. -> too far/ overly far

5) "the golf course and park": 'the' used to specify one already-known item

6) "On the other perspective, ": usually, from another perspective : stick to well-used phrases in IELTS. I question whether the phrase fits the context anyway. 'Also' would have done.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=from+ +perspective%2Con+the+other+perspective&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cfrom%20%2A%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bfrom%20the%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20this%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20a%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20another%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20their%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20that%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20our%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20one%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20his%20perspective%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfrom%20my%20perspective%3B%2Cc0

7) Bear in mind that Band 5 for IELTS Task 1 includes the phrase "recounts detail mechanically", so this is to be avoided. Perhaps start the final paragraph with a phrase like "In terms of access", so the reader knows where we are going.

8) -> by car or train : more idiomatic.

9) Your point about the river is not clear to me. Perhaps the river presents a barrier to access in both cases.

10) The housing estate and the industrial estate have not been mentioned. A good rule of thumb is to mention every label on the diagram at least once. Site 1 is closer to the housing estate, and Site 2 closer to the industrial, although the latter would involve crossing the railway.

11) Site 1 has direct and unimpeded access to the housing estate (where presumably many shoppers come from), whereas Site 2 does not. Is this not an important point of difference? Perhaps this is the most important point to put in the overview.

Academis Ielts Writing Task 1 (Map)

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions