Academic Writing Task 2

Question

Since the 20th century, life expectancy has increased in every region of the world, with people now living well into their 80s. While this is a wonderful improvement for humans, the environment will continue to suffer more than ever, as we use more and more resources to feed and house ourselves.It is argued that , starting from the 90s every country had a expend life longevity and many people are reaching their 80s. Although, this statement is beneficial for the human race, the surroundings that people live in had to suffer because they are using a lot of resources for food and construction . This essay will not agree with this because living longer it is a blessing because spending more time with loves ones and having more time to go around the world can outweigh any drawback.Elderly people can have more quality time with their family nowadays. In the past people got sick very quickly because there were not a lot of vaccines and drugs and a lot of people lose their life very easily ,even from a simple cold. But, thanks to advance medicine people can now live a lot longer than before. For example, the mortality during the World War II was approximately 56% so, more than a half of a nation population , but at the present time this percentage had suffer a dramatically change reaching at 10%.Another reason why having more time can be a great advantage for a person is that people can travel more. Retire people that can no longer work can see the world by going to a lot of beautiful places that when they were younger can not go because their work schedule. Since the retire age had change ,at only 55 years old, people can have more leisure time to explore the world. For example, a study has shown that in Japan people reaching the age of 60 travel more than a younger person in their 20.In conclusion, although the nature surrounding people can be affected a lot nowadays by life durability , I believe that having loved ones near for a longer period of time and see the world is more important for a person life than anything.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

What is the question for your essay? If the first paragraph is a topic statement, it is incomplete.

Are you supposed to give an opinion, or discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living longer?

I have highlighted the text with errors or bad English.

Since the 20^th century, life expectancy has increased in every region of the world, with people now living well into their 80s. While this is a wonderful improvement for humans, the environment will continue to suffer more than ever, as we use more and more resources to feed and house ourselves.

It is argued that , starting from the 90s every country had a expend life longevity and many people are reaching their 80s. Although, this statement is beneficial for the human race, (Is the statement about long life beneficial, or is a long life beneficial?) the surroundings that people live in had to suffer because they (Incorrect antecedent. The surroundings are using resources?) are using a lot of resources for food and construction . This essay will not agree with this (Improper thesis statement. Do not mention "my essay" in an essay.) because living longer it is a blessing because spending more time with loves ones and having more time to go around the world can outweigh any drawback.

Elderly people can have more quality time with their family nowadays. In the past people got sick very quickly because there were not a lot of vaccines and drugs and a lot of people lose their life very easily ,even from a simple cold. But, thanks to advance medicine people can now live a lot longer than before. For example, the mortality during ~~the~~ World War II was approximately 56% (But in a war, many soldiers as well as civilians die from bombings and military action.) so, (Missing words. This is a fragment, not a complete clause) more than a half of a nation (wrong form) population , but at the present time this percentage had suffer a dramatically change reaching at 10%. (ungrammatical - It does not make sense.)

Another reason why having more time can be a great advantage for a person is that people can travel more. Retire (wrong form) people that (wrong word) can no longer work can see the world by going to a lot of beautiful places that when they were younger can not go because (Missing word, ungrammatical clause) their work schedule. Since the retire (wrong form) age ~~had~~ change ,at (wrong form) only 55 years old, people can have more leisure time to explore the world. For example, a study has shown that in Japan (comma) people reaching the age of 60 travel more than a younger person in their 20. (wrong form)

In conclusion, although the nature surrounding people can be affected a lot nowadays by life durability , (wrong phrase) I believe that having loved ones near for a longer period of time and see (wrong form) the world is more important for a person (wrong form) life than anything.

Academic Writing Task 2

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