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Soren Madsen Posted 13 years ago
Grammar

Academic Job Application

Is this introductory sentence to long or incorrect in any way?

"As a Registered Dietitian and a holder of a Bachelor’s Degree in Clinical Dietetics and a Vocational Education in Sales, I would like to present...."

I am having a hard time shortening it down. I am an RD on the basis of my BA and the salesman education must be mentoined since they are both relevant. :/
  

Top answer

Hi, My first reaction, frankly, is that it sounds too much like you are boasting. ' I would like to present' is not a common phrase in a job application. What's the complete sentence?

  • Hi, My first reaction, frankly, is that it sounds too much like you are boasting.
  • ' I would like to present' is not a common phrase in a job application.
  • What's the complete sentence?
  • Clive
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5 Answers
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Hi,

My first reaction, frankly, is that it sounds too much like you are boasting.
'
I would like to present' is not a common phrase in a job application. What's the complete sentence?

Clive
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Hi, it's is not boasting.
Is have two degree's relevant for those types of jobs I am looking for according to the typical announcement.

As a Registered Dietitian and a holder of a Bachelor’s Degree in Clinical Dietetics and a Vocational Education in Sales, I would like to present my resume in consideration for your Account Executive position in Australia, which was advertised this wee
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Hi,

it's is not boasting. I just offered my first impression. Such matters are subjective.
Is have two degree's relevant for those types of jobs I am looking for according to the typical announcement.

As a Registered Dietitian and a holder of a Bachelor’s Degree in Clinical Dietetics and a Vocational Education in Sales, I would like to pres
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I thought that feedback was what I gave you. I regret that it displeased you.

Perhaps someone else will offer comments that are more to your liking..

Clive
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Clive,

I do not think that you can help me. Thank you for your time. I will start a new thread in the academic forum.

Kind regards

Søren Hjort Madsen

Professional Bachelor in Clinical Dietetics 2013
Vocational Education in Sales 2008

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