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Vincent Teo Posted 17 years ago
Grammar

About a girl who found a puppy as a pet

Can I say,

One day, Susan was walking to her home. Along the road, she saw a puppy in front of the gate. She picked it up and went her home. She showed it to her mother. Her mother allowed her to keep it. She felt happy because she had a pet.
  

Top answer

Vincent, you write very short sentences. If you used conjunctions and relative pronouns a little more often, your sentences wouldn't sound so abrupt. My suggestion: One day when Susan was walking home , she saw a puppy in front of the gate of her house.

  • Vincent, you write very short sentences.
  • If you used conjunctions and relative pronouns a little more often, your sentences wouldn't sound so abrupt.
  • My suggestion: One day when Susan was walking home , she saw a puppy in front of the gate of her house.
  • She picked it/him/her up and went into the house.
  • She showed it/him/her to her mother, who allowed her to keep the puppy.
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1 Answers
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Vincent, you write very short sentences. If you used conjunctions and relative pronouns a little more often, your sentences wouldn't sound so abrupt. My suggestion:

One day when Susan was walking home, she saw a puppy in front of the gate of her house. She picked it/him/her up and went into the house. She showed it/him/her to her mother, who allowed her to keep the puppy. She f

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