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Mr. Tom Posted 12 years ago
Grammar

Aaron was crestfallen when Kate finally answered the door.

Hi

Are these lines natural English? Any suggestions are welcome.

Aaron was crestfallen when Kate finally answered the door. Disheveled and haggard, disoriented and above all in a state of deshabille, the young lady gave a lifeless stare to her once-boyfriend. Quickly ensuring that there were no watchers, the young man forced his way into the apartment, almost knocking the landlady over, who ...

Thanks,

Tom
  

Top answer

The phrase 'in a state of deshabille' is not natural everyday English. More common is eg in a state of undress. Crestfallen usually suggests a somewhat passive state of disappointment.

— Clive

  • The phrase 'in a state of deshabille' is not natural everyday English.
  • More common is eg in a state of undress.
  • Crestfallen usually suggests a somewhat passive state of disappointment.
  • A crestfallen person is unlikely to force himself in.
  • We don't 'give a stare to someone'.
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5 Answers
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The phrase 'in a state of deshabille' is not natural everyday English. More common is eg in a state of undress.

Crestfallen usually suggests a somewhat passive state of disappointment. A crestfallen person is unlikely to force himself in.

We don't 'give a stare to someone'. We '
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Thanks a lot, Clive.

So, do the lines read naturally now?

Aaron was shocked to see Kate when she finally answered the door. Disheveled and haggard, disoriented and almost undressed, the young lady stared lifelessly at her once-boyfriend. Quickly ensuring that there were no watchers, Aaron forced his way into the apartment, almost knocking
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Clive We don't 'give a stare to someone'. We 'stare at someone'.
Clive, I need some light on this. If we use stare as a noun, which verb other than give can we use? Am I to understand that although "give someone a stare" exists, it is not naturally used in English?

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So, do the lines read naturally now?
Yes
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Give someone a stare is OK, idiomatic. But note that it suggests a longer activity, ie not just a quick look.

Give a stare to someone is not OK, not idiomatic.

Clive
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