A writing task 1 essay needs some help

Question

This is the picture of the topic&nbsp; Hi teachers,I have just written an essay so I would like to get teachers to correct the essay for me. I would appreciate if you could do that!Thanks a bunch! This is my writing task 1 essay : The pie chart illustrates in which the Australian consume energy in their houses and the table depicts the quantity of electricity utilized followed by the quantity of people living in a house in Australia.Overall, it can be clearly seen from the pie chart that a majority of Australian people mostly use energy for heating & cooling and water heating. As for the table given information about the amount of electricity used in Australia, the more people live in a house, the more electricity is likely to be consumed.In terms of the pie chart, undoubtedly heating & cooling is dominance, with the percentage of 38%, compared to 25% of the energy used for water heating. Meanwhile, the third-highest percentage of energy is another appliance, at 16 %, followed by lighting and fridges and freezers, the figures for these purposes were similar, making up 7% for each of them. By contrast, the percentages of energy used for standby power and cooking were lowest, at 3% and 4% respectively.As for the amount of electricity used in a normal Australian family, while a single-one family only consume 5,000-6,5000 kWh per year, 12,000-16,000 kWh are used in a six-member family, which stays on top of the table. Additionally, the amount of electricity used in a three-member family is significantly lower, at 7,500-10,000 kWh. In comparison to that of a family of three people, only 6,000-8,000 kWh are used in a family which has two members.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The pie chart illustrates (wrong verb. What exactly is on the pie chart? ) in which the Australian (wrong form. "the Australian" means one particular person who is a citizen of Australia.) consume energy in their houses and the table depicts the quantity of electricity (wrong usage) utilized followed by the quantity (wrong word) of people living in a house in Australia. (Your paragraph is incomplete. It does not tell the reader what is on the pie chart.)

The figure illustrates the usage of electricity in the average Australian home. In particular, the pie chart breaks down usage into seven categories. Major categories are heating and cooling, water heating, lighting, appliances and there are four other minor categories. The table gives the total annual electricity usage in kilowatt hours according to the size of the family (1, 2, 3 and 6 or more members).

Overall, ~~it can be clearly seen~~ (unnecessary verbiage) from the pie chart ~~that~~ a majority of Australian people ~~mostly~~ use energy mostly for heating & cooling and water heating. ~~As for the table given information about the amount of electricity used in Australia, the more people live in a house~~, The larger the household size, the ~~more~~ the higher the amount of electricity is ~~likely to be~~ consumed.

In ~~terms of the pie chart, undoubtedly~~ (undoubtedly is an opinion word. Avoid opinions, just state the facts.) Heating & cooling is dominance, (wrong word) with the percentage of 38%, compared to 25% of the energy used for water heating. Meanwhile, the third-highest percentage ~~of energy~~ is another appliance, (wrong phrase) at 16 %, followed by lighting and fridges and freezers, the figures (wrong word) for these purposes were similar, making up 7% for each of them. By contrast, the percentages of energy used for standby power and cooking were lowest, at 3% and 4% respectively.

As for the amount of electricity used in a normal Australian family, while a single-one (wrong word) family only consume (wrong form) 5,000-6,5000 kWh per year, 12,000-16,000 kWh are used by in a six-member family, which stays on top of the table. (wrong phrase - It is the last row in the table. ) Additionally, the amount of electricity used in a three-member family is significantly lower, at 7,500-10,000 kWh. In comparison to that of a family of three people, only 6,000-8,000 kWh are used in a family which has two members.

Observation. A six-person family is much more efficient in terms of electricity usage than a one-person family.

The amount of electricity per person is much higher in a one-person household than in a multi-person household. In particular, for households on the lowest end on their range, 6-person household uses only 2000 KWH per person, compared to the 5000 KWH to sustain a one-person family. In comparison, the a family of two uses 3000 KWH per person, one-third of that of a family of six.

A writing task 1 essay needs some help

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions