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Snarf Posted 14 years ago
Grammar

A "who" for one of two people

Please have a look at this sentence:

Brenda and Jake, who has blood coming down the side of his head, but which is quickly healing, turn to see who it is.

Is that grammatically correct, since the "who" is referring to the second person (Jake)?

Thanks.
  

Top answer

That's a pretty good example of what not to do. There is little technically wrong, but it sucks gorilla meat, if you don't mind my saying so. One problem is that the reader sees "who" and instantly and confidently assumes that it is plural, referring to the two people, but to make sense of "has" he has to go back and throw Brenda out kicking and screaming.

— Enoon

  • That's a pretty good example of what not to do.
  • There is little technically wrong, but it sucks gorilla meat, if you don't mind my saying so.
  • One problem is that the reader sees "who" and instantly and confidently assumes that it is plural, referring to the two people, but to make sense of "has" he has to go back and throw Brenda out kicking and screaming.
  • Another problem is that "which" has no antecedent (that is the only grammar mistake)—what is healing?
  • Jake?
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4 Answers
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That's a pretty good example of what not to do. There is little technically wrong, but it sucks gorilla meat, if you don't mind my saying so. One problem is that the reader sees "who" and instantly and confidently assumes that it is plural, referring to the two people, but to make sense of "has" he has to go back and throw Brenda out kicking and screaming. Another problem is that "which" has no an
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Thanks for the reply. He's not a human being. He's a vampire. That's why it's healing so quickly. I changed their names for the example. What's a better way of writing this, would you say?

I could change it to two sentences, for example:

Jake now has blood coming down the side of his head, but it is quickly healing. He and Brenda turn to see who it is.
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SnarfHe's a vampire.
I was afraid of that.

I can't suggest a rewrite out of context like this, but I will say that it is bad to string things together too much, so breaking it up is probably a good idea. Sentence length can set tempo, too. Short is quick and long is slow.

Your attempt there has me thinking that you probably don't want to arre
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Yes, I was thinking the same thing regarding the immediacy of the action, so I decided to put that they "reflexively turn to see who it is," instead of making it seem like there's a pause or something, which would make no sense. Either that or I take it out completely, as it's obvious, since they then see them all standing there.

Thanks, enoon.
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