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Quadrat Posted 10 years ago

A small poem...

It's just the small poem about winter.

Snow. Winter. Dark and cold.
Silver moon has turned gold.
Everyone wears big fur hat.
Heat of furnace goes to cat.
Frost and ice all over land.
Give me, dear, your strong hot hand...
  

Top answer

Hello, Quadrat—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member. It is a very nice idea, but the lines are really too truncated.

  • Hello, Quadrat—and welcome to English Forums.
  • Thank you for registering as a member.
  • It is a very nice idea, but the lines are really too truncated.
  • I suggest that you extend the rhythm just a bit to make it flow better and more naturally.
  • Keep your same images, but extend the grammar, so that the first two lines, for instance, might read something like this: The winter snow is dark and cold.
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1 Answers
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Hello, Quadrat—and welcome to English Forums. Thank you for registering as a member.

It is a very nice idea, but the lines are really too truncated. I suggest that you extend the rhythm just a bit to make it flow better and more naturally.

Keep your same images, but extend the grammar, so that the first two lines, for instance, might read something like this:

The wi

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