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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

A short personal statement! Could somebody critique this please? T

0When I first came to the 00 of 00, 00, I was among hundreds of students whose future seemed unclear. Four years of high school, two years of middle school, and six years of elementary school did not help me decide what I want to do in my future. However, everything fell into place and my path became defined after taking a chemistry class. With my father with a PhD in organic chemistry, and my mother as a Registered Nurse, I always have been interested in both fields. Yet, it was not until the chemistry course I took in college, I was definite about studying in the fields of chemistry and biology. However, my top priority is to study chemistry and biology and apply them to health fields to benefit people. It was while volunteering during high school; I have met many needy people and realized how much help they need in the fields of health. 02br
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00 00During my four years of high school, I volunteered at a local library for LAMP—Literacy for All Monterey Park. While volunteering there, my duty was to tutor children and elderly in mostly English and some other general subjects. All my tutees were children, and only one was an adult. He was an immigrant from 010200. Because of his financial situation, he was not able to go to adult school and get proper education. He came to free tutoring offered by the city. I tutored him every week for two hours. It was in those two hours, when I was tutored, not I tutoring him, about his life, and in lives of people similar to his who needed serious care in health field.02br
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00 00Xiao, when I first met him, had difficulty communicating him. However, he was very eager to learn, to be Americanized, and learned English very quickly. He had no family, and he manufactured toys for a living. The one that surprised me the most was when he told me that he had lung cancer, but he was not able to afford various treatments were offered at the hospital. Despite his lung cancer, I thought there was nothing he could do, and continued smoking. His severity of his lung cancer was signed by his continuous coughing and cringes on his face when he coughed. Only way I could help Xiao was to teach English, and help him assimilate to 010200 as possible; however, I wanted to help more people like him. I started volunteering at the hospital where my mom worked. 02br
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00 00Volunteering at the hospital made me realize the severity of health problem in the 010200. Not only were certain medications too costly for many people, but there were many other incurable diseases as well. By deepening my study in chemistry and biology, and gaining early experience in medical fields, I desire to help and alleviate the sickness in 010200. With Hugh Edmondson Summer Fellowship Program as my starting point, I wish to make my wish come true.02br
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00THANKS!0-
  

Top answer

0 01blockquote 01cite 10Anonymous12cite 10When I first came to the 10 of 10, 10, I was among hundreds of students whose future seemed unclear. Four years of high school, two years of middle school, and six years of elementary school 11b 10(Flip the order around) 12b 10did not help me decide what I want to do in my future. However, everything fell into place and my path became defined after taking a chemistry class.

  • 0 01blockquote 01cite 10Anonymous12cite 10When I first came to the 10 of 10, 10, I was among hundreds of students whose future seemed unclear.
  • Four years of high school, two years of middle school, and six years of elementary school 11b 10(Flip the order around) 12b 10did not help me decide what I want to do in my future.
  • However, everything fell into place and my path became defined after taking a chemistry class.
  • With my father with a 11b 10PhD (periods) 12b 10in organic chemistry, and my mother as a Registered Nurse, I always have been interested in both fields.
  • Yet, it was not until the chemistry course I took in college 11b 10____12b 10 I was definite about studying in the fields of chemistry and biology.
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1 Answers
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0 01blockquote
01cite10Anonymous12cite10When I first came to the 10 of 10, 10, I was among hundreds of students whose future seemed unclear. Four years of high school, two years of middle school, and six years of elementary school 11b10(Flip the order around) 12b10did not help me decide what I want to do in my future.

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