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Snarf Posted 14 years ago
Grammar
A sentence requiring swiftness
His foot bolts straight up without the rest of his body moving in the slightest, hitting Matt square in the face.
Is it OK not to put a comma before "without" there? When I put it in, it feels choppy to me. The action is happening very quickly. I want it to be read briskly, as it is a fast-paced moment.
Thanks.
Is it OK not to put a comma before "without" there? When I put it in, it feels choppy to me. The action is happening very quickly. I want it to be read briskly, as it is a fast-paced moment.
Thanks.
Top answer
You are writing in the present tense? This sounds like his foot is on a spring. I assume he had to move his leg as well.
- You are writing in the present tense?
- This sounds like his foot is on a spring.
- I assume he had to move his leg as well.
- Is Matt lying on the ground?
- Or is this impressive because he gets his leg up high enough to kick in him the face?
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2 Answers
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You are writing in the present tense?
This sounds like his foot is on a spring. I assume he had to move his leg as well. Is Matt lying on the ground? Or is this impressive because he gets his leg up high enough to kick in him the face?
Without the slightest movement in the rest of his body, his leg shoots up and he kicks Matt squarely in the face.
This sounds like his foot is on a spring. I assume he had to move his leg as well. Is Matt lying on the ground? Or is this impressive because he gets his leg up high enough to kick in him the face?
Without the slightest movement in the rest of his body, his leg shoots up and he kicks Matt squarely in the face.
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Yeah, it's in present tense. I used that for affect throughout the whole thing. It's a comedy, that's why it seems so preposterous. The whole thing is fueled by absurdist humor and was originally written in screenplay form, which is in present tense.
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