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Romantikc P. M. Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
A Russian guy needs help with his short bio. Help me please.
Please, anyone (native English?) correct this short story, I'll be very grateful:
(If you own a Mac, I'll give you a free copy of an uber-cool app)
I've fallen in love with Macs in the late 80s after visiting the exhibition called Computer Science in the US Life. It was not love at first sight, but little by little. I liked the Mac logo, I liked the fact that Macs are different from the rest of PCs and at the end I liked they friendliness.
Only 10 years after, when I was studying at university, I got my first Mac. Happy Mac, Finder face, icons - well it was a really friendly and intuitive thing, and I did enjoy it a lot.
Since that time I quit two universities, changed some jobs - I was a courier, an "actor" of mass scenes, a loader and designer. But one thing didn't change - being friendly is still one of the most valuable things for me.
A year ago I've got an idea to create a really nice and friendly software, and started to learn programming from scratch. And here it is, a little thing called *****. I designed it with simplicity and ease of use in mind, and it looks like I'm succeeding in these aims. I really hope it will be enjoyed by many people around the globe, so one day I could realize one of my biggest dreams - travelling all over the world.
(If you own a Mac, I'll give you a free copy of an uber-cool app)
I've fallen in love with Macs in the late 80s after visiting the exhibition called Computer Science in the US Life. It was not love at first sight, but little by little. I liked the Mac logo, I liked the fact that Macs are different from the rest of PCs and at the end I liked they friendliness.
Only 10 years after, when I was studying at university, I got my first Mac. Happy Mac, Finder face, icons - well it was a really friendly and intuitive thing, and I did enjoy it a lot.
Since that time I quit two universities, changed some jobs - I was a courier, an "actor" of mass scenes, a loader and designer. But one thing didn't change - being friendly is still one of the most valuable things for me.
A year ago I've got an idea to create a really nice and friendly software, and started to learn programming from scratch. And here it is, a little thing called *****. I designed it with simplicity and ease of use in mind, and it looks like I'm succeeding in these aims. I really hope it will be enjoyed by many people around the globe, so one day I could realize one of my biggest dreams - travelling all over the world.
Top answer
I fell in love with Macs in the late 80s after visiting an exhibition called Computer Science in the US Life. It was not love at first sight, but little by little. I liked the Mac logo, I liked the fact that Macs are different from the rest of PCs and at the end I liked their friendliness.
- I fell in love with Macs in the late 80s after visiting an exhibition called Computer Science in the US Life.
- It was not love at first sight, but little by little.
- I liked the Mac logo, I liked the fact that Macs are different from the rest of PCs and at the end I liked their friendliness.
- 10 years later, when I was studying at university, I got my first Mac.
- Happy Mac, Finder face, icons - well it was a really friendly and intuitive thing, and I did enjoy using it a lot.
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5 Answers
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I fell in love with Macs in the late 80s after visiting an exhibition called Computer Science in the US Life. It was not love at first sight, but little by little. I liked the Mac logo, I liked the fact that Macs are different from the rest of PCs and at the end I liked their friendliness.
10 years
10 years
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Nona, thank you very much!
Is everything else is correct? The style of text? Doesn't it look like it was written by a foreigner?
Is everything else is correct? The style of text? Doesn't it look like it was written by a foreigner?
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nona corrections are good, but incomplete.
Put "user" in front of "friendly" and "friendliness" in all places.
I think you means "paradigm" instead of "logo."
The first sentence has a confusing ending, unless there is a place called US Life. If that is a place, the sentence would sound better in the United Stated, if the "the" in front of "US Life" was removed.
Put "user" in front of "friendly" and "friendliness" in all places.
I think you means "paradigm" instead of "logo."
The first sentence has a confusing ending, unless there is a place called US Life. If that is a place, the sentence would sound better in the United Stated, if the "the" in front of "US Life" was removed.
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0 My English teacher told me that in formal written work, you should avoid contractions. 02 br
02 br
00 For example: 02 br
02 br
00 "I'm" should be "I am" 02 br
02 br
00 because it seems more formal and that is what you are looking for right? 02 br
02 br
00 Hope this helped a bit. If you even still look at the post since it was a lon
02 br
00 For example: 02 br
02 br
00 "I'm" should be "I am" 02 br
02 br
00 because it seems more formal and that is what you are looking for right? 02 br
02 br
00 Hope this helped a bit. If you even still look at the post since it was a lon
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0 I've fallen in love with Macs in the late 80s after visiting the exhibition called Computer Science in the US Life. It was not love at first sight, but little by little. I liked the Mac logo, I liked the fact that Macs are different from the rest of PCs and at the end I liked their friendly manners. 02 br
00 Only 10 years after, when I was studying in university, I got my first Mac.
00 Only 10 years after, when I was studying in university, I got my first Mac.
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