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Ron Hung Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
A review from Times, August 21 2006
Could anyone help me correct my mistakes in my essay^^?
Thank you for your help in advance.
A review of “Risks. How much are we willing to take?”(August 21 2006 ,Times)
Since the 9/11 incident happened five years ago, the America officials has tried various methods to avoid the similar tragedy occurred again with lots of exertion. Strictly speaking, not only America but also other countries attempt to prevent their countries from falling into the same situation as which America had. However, through these years, we can still hear that some accidents involved with terrorists happened all around the world. It likes a nightmare haunting us and reminds that the problems of terrorists are unsolved.
In order to hinder terrorists from threatening people’s lives, properties and peace, most nations enhance their security in the airport. They check every luggage lest it should contain different kinds of explosives; they search each passenger to ensure whether he brings anything dangerous or not. Especially after the arrest of the bombers in the London Gatwick airport, the airports around the world became so nervous and fell into a mess. Every airport dedicated their staff to finding out the bombs and planed to purchase the latest and the most technical machines to detect the latent danger. Whereas, does this really help to improve the current situation?
In my opinion, enhancing the security system in the airport is not a bad way to get the safety, yet it just like to mend the sheepfold after a sheep is lost. What is important is to realize the reason why the terrorists did these insane activities. Moreover, we all know the Middle East have conflicted with America for a long time. The upper government officials should try anything to be an icebreaker such as to have a conference with them, to negotiate with them, etc. Force is the last thing we should use to achieve our aim. The approach of buying detecting machine and search the bombs are rather passive and pessimistic. In my view, to solve the problem from the root is far more important than just saying “we never bend to terrorism”. All we can do is to hope those who have power can do something advantageous; however, say is one thing, and do is another.
Thank you for your help in advance.
A review of “Risks. How much are we willing to take?”(August 21 2006 ,Times)
Since the 9/11 incident happened five years ago, the America officials has tried various methods to avoid the similar tragedy occurred again with lots of exertion. Strictly speaking, not only America but also other countries attempt to prevent their countries from falling into the same situation as which America had. However, through these years, we can still hear that some accidents involved with terrorists happened all around the world. It likes a nightmare haunting us and reminds that the problems of terrorists are unsolved.
In order to hinder terrorists from threatening people’s lives, properties and peace, most nations enhance their security in the airport. They check every luggage lest it should contain different kinds of explosives; they search each passenger to ensure whether he brings anything dangerous or not. Especially after the arrest of the bombers in the London Gatwick airport, the airports around the world became so nervous and fell into a mess. Every airport dedicated their staff to finding out the bombs and planed to purchase the latest and the most technical machines to detect the latent danger. Whereas, does this really help to improve the current situation?
In my opinion, enhancing the security system in the airport is not a bad way to get the safety, yet it just like to mend the sheepfold after a sheep is lost. What is important is to realize the reason why the terrorists did these insane activities. Moreover, we all know the Middle East have conflicted with America for a long time. The upper government officials should try anything to be an icebreaker such as to have a conference with them, to negotiate with them, etc. Force is the last thing we should use to achieve our aim. The approach of buying detecting machine and search the bombs are rather passive and pessimistic. In my view, to solve the problem from the root is far more important than just saying “we never bend to terrorism”. All we can do is to hope those who have power can do something advantageous; however, say is one thing, and do is another.
Top answer
You have a very good grasp of vocabulary but just have a few problems still with grammar. I've corrected the first couple of paragraphs for you so you can see what you might need to take another look at in your final paragraph. Since the 9/11 incident five years ago, American officials have tried various methods to avoid a similar tragedy happening again.
- You have a very good grasp of vocabulary but just have a few problems still with grammar.
- I've corrected the first couple of paragraphs for you so you can see what you might need to take another look at in your final paragraph.
- Since the 9/11 incident five years ago, American officials have tried various methods to avoid a similar tragedy happening again.
- Strictly speaking, not only America, but also other countries, attempt to prevent their countries from falling into the same situation.
- However, throughout these years, we have still heard about incidents of terrorism happening all over the world.
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2 Answers
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You have a very good grasp of vocabulary but just have a few problems still with grammar. I've corrected the first couple of paragraphs for you so you can see what you might need to take another look at in your final paragraph.
Since the 9/11 incident five years ago, American officials have tried various methods to avoid a similar tragedy happening again. Strictly speaking, not only Ameri
Since the 9/11 incident five years ago, American officials have tried various methods to avoid a similar tragedy happening again. Strictly speaking, not only Ameri
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Thank you for correcting my essay!^^
I'll try my best to improve my article and my poor grammar!
I'll try my best to improve my article and my poor grammar!
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