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Vincent Teo Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
A rainy day
Please help me to correct them if got any mistakes.
One Sunday, it was windy. Peter invited his friends to play basketball. Peter was very good at shooting the ball into the goal. They enjoyed playing it. Soon, the sky was getting dark. It started raining in the evening. Peter and his friends enjoyed playing basketball (in / during the rain) despite it was raining. Their shirts were wet all over.
They stopped playing when it was raining heavily. They took shelter under a big tree. After a short while, the sky was clear. They were pleased and continued playing for two hours. They left for home when they felt tired.
At night, Peter felt unwell. He had a high fever and laid in bed with agony. His mother took him to see the doctor. After taking medicine, he rested at home for 2 days. / He was absent (from school) for 2 days. He really learnt a lesson from the incident.
One Sunday, it was windy. Peter invited his friends to play basketball. Peter was very good at shooting the ball into the goal. They enjoyed playing it. Soon, the sky was getting dark. It started raining in the evening. Peter and his friends enjoyed playing basketball (in / during the rain) despite it was raining. Their shirts were wet all over.
They stopped playing when it was raining heavily. They took shelter under a big tree. After a short while, the sky was clear. They were pleased and continued playing for two hours. They left for home when they felt tired.
At night, Peter felt unwell. He had a high fever and laid in bed with agony. His mother took him to see the doctor. After taking medicine, he rested at home for 2 days. / He was absent (from school) for 2 days. He really learnt a lesson from the incident.
Top answer
Basketball has a "hoop", not a goal. (in/during) - either is good -- then despite the fact it was raining. "pleased" sounds strange - should be "happy" or "content" felling unwell sounds strange - should be "felt sick" "with agony" should be replaced with "in agony" Learnt should be changed to leraned - it sounds more natural Robert
- Basketball has a "hoop", not a goal.
- (in/during) - either is good -- then despite the fact it was raining.
- "pleased" sounds strange - should be "happy" or "content" felling unwell sounds strange - should be "felt sick" "with agony" should be replaced with "in agony" Learnt should be changed to leraned - it sounds more natural Robert
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4 Answers
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Basketball has a "hoop", not a goal.
(in/during) - either is good -- then despite the fact it was raining.
"pleased" sounds strange - should be "happy" or "content"
felling unwell sounds strange - should be "felt sick"
"with agony" should be replaced with "in agony"
Learnt should be changed to leraned - it sounds more natural
Robert
(in/during) - either is good -- then despite the fact it was raining.
"pleased" sounds strange - should be "happy" or "content"
felling unwell sounds strange - should be "felt sick"
"with agony" should be replaced with "in agony"
Learnt should be changed to leraned - it sounds more natural
Robert
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