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Anonymous Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

A perfect world..

Hi, can you please check the following sentences? Thank you

Long Summary
A perfect world champion tennis pro, Don Sri-Chang, is an idol for everyone. He is lucky both in work and in love. However, his life takes a turn when his superstar girlfriend turns down his marriage proposal to date a rock star. After having sunk into misery for months, his long-lost friend, Dew, suddenly appears to help heal his broken heart. Can this girl be the game changer in Don’s love life?

Short Summary
Don Sri-Chang, a pro tennis player who spirals into depression after his girlfriend turns down his marriage proposal and dumps him for famous rock star. Can another woman mend his broken heart?

  

Top answer

I would write it like this (strikeouts for deletions, bold for additions, brackets for comments): Long Summary A perfect world champion tennis pro, Don Sri-Chang [delete comma] is an idol for everyone. He is lucky both in work and in love. However, his life takes a turn dive when his superstar girlfriend turns down his marriage proposal and begins to date a rock star.

  • I would write it like this (strikeouts for deletions, bold for additions, brackets for comments): Long Summary A perfect world champion tennis pro, Don Sri-Chang [delete comma] is an idol for everyone.
  • He is lucky both in work and in love.
  • However, his life takes a turn dive when his superstar girlfriend turns down his marriage proposal and begins to date a rock star.
  • After having sunk into misery for months, [[dangling modifier] Don encounters his long-lost friend, Dew, suddenly appears to who help s heal his broken heart.
  • Can this girl be the game changer in Don’s love life?
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2 Answers
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I would write it like this (strikeouts for deletions, bold for additions, brackets for comments):

Long Summary
A perfect world champion tennis pro, Don Sri-Chang [delete comma] is an idol for everyone. He is lucky both in work and in love. However, his life takes a turn dive when his superstar girlfriend turns down his marriage proposal and begins to date a r

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