a passage

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Version 1The writer picked a unique way to tell the story.  He skillfuly coupled up 3 unrelated plots with a natural and proper way.  The plots develop parallelly with alternative narratiins.  Each writing unit is closely and perfectly linked with the other.  The readers will get themselves graudually aborbed by the author's recounts.  And the story goes to the climax and then unexpectedly settle down.  It brings the readers who are already in excitements back to their sensibilities and realities, which shows the writer's high skill in telling stories.The above is a chinese paragraph that I tried to translate into english.  I just hope some of you can point out some "odd" sentences for me and correct them with idioms.  I'm resloved to learn idioms well, because I think that's the best way to improve my english.here's another one;-)Version 2 The author adopted a unique narrating way to link the there unrelated scenarios organically and accurately, by parallel development, cross narration, head-to-tail conjugation, and meticulous care. Readers, under these circumstances, gradually culminate in the most pleasant stage, making the story climbing to the climax without noticing. And to our surprise, the author brings us back from the nearly crazy mania to reality and sense, revealing the author’s top-notch story-telling skill.BTW: which version sounds "better"?

Crux_online · Accepted Answer

Hly2004The author adopted a unique narrating way to link the there unrelated scenarios organically and accurately, by parallel development, cross narration, head-to-tail conjugation, and meticulous care. Readers, under these circumstances, gradually culminate in the most pleasant stage, making the story climbing to the climax without noticing. And to our surprise, the author brings us back from the nearly crazy mania to reality and sense, revealing the author’s top-notch story-telling skill.

Some proposed changes:
The author adopted (used/employed are good, too) a unique narration style to link the three unrelated scenarios organically [deleted] through parallel development, cross narration, and head-to-tail conjugation with meticulous care. The reader[optional:, under these circumstances,] gradually becomes absorbed, unaware of the approaching climax.. The author is then able to bring the reader back [deleted] to reality and sense, revealing the author’s top-notch story-telling skill.

With the changes:
The author adopted a unique narration style to link the three unrelated scenarios organically through parallel development, cross narration, and head-to-tail conjugation with meticulous care. The reader gradually becomes absorbed, unaware of the approaching climax.. The author is then able to bring the reader back to reality and sense, revealing the author’s top-notch story-telling skill.

See how this fits into the rest of the literature and determine whether it is what you're wanting. Also, who is your target audience? Whether and to what extent you use idiomatic expressions will depend on your target audience.

I recommend that you get a lot of feedback and multiple versions before committing to a final version. Some writers are strong proponents of brevity--reducing the passage to its core meaning without the unecessary flourish of adjectives and adverbs. Others are equally strong proponents of the flourish, believing that the imagery should be created by the author, leaving the reader to enjoy the story (or passage) without the burden of conjuring the scene as for themselves.

There are also some very 'artsy' techniques that you can investigate and begin to incorporate into your prose, such as alliteration or the use of meter. These are concepts you'll normally find discussed in the context of poetry, but are very useful in other types of writing as well.

You will use different techniques on different writings. Your perfect passage will be in there somewhere.

C

Hly2004 · Answer

To Crux_online :

Thank you for your help!!

And your suggestion boardens my mind.

The author adopted a unique narration style to link the three unrelated scenarios organically through parallel development, cross narration, and head-to-tail conjugation with meticulous care. The reader gradually becomes absorbed, unaware of the approaching climax.. The author is then able to bring the reader back to reality and sense, revealing the author’s top-notch story-telling skill.

(1) narrating way->narration style

(2)by parallel development->through development

(3) without noticing->unaware of

I don't know wether it is a rule or not.

for example:

"He nodded excitedly" and "He nodded in excitement" ,the latter sounds much better for me.and the same feeling exits ,For example:

"Unaware of what to do ,He went on" sounds better than

"With no idea of what to do....". sounds better than

"Not knowing what to do,he went on" .

My point is the "verb+ing" is always avoided by using other alternatives (noun,adj,adv,or phrases). I guess you can understand what I mean.

Thank you again!

Crux_online · Answer

Hly2004I don't know wether it is a rule or not.

It's not. It's a matter of usage and style.

Hly2004 for example:
"He nodded excitedly" and "He nodded in excitement" ,the latter sounds much better for me.and the same feeling exits ,For example:
My point is the "verb+ing" is always avoided by using other alternatives (noun,adj,adv,or phrases). I guess you can understand what I mean.

I do understaind.

Hly2004"Unaware of what to do ,He went on" sounds better than
"With no idea of what to do....". sounds better than

"Not knowing what to do,he went on" .

All of these are good. Part the charm and frustration of English is the multitude of ways something can be expressed.

verb+ing being used as a noun (called a gerund) is uncommon, but not necessarily avoided. It is usually avoided if it can be replaced by the conjugated verb itself or a more common noun version (Learning skiing might become Learning to ski). Gerunds are difficult for newcomers to English to use properly--especially Chinese speakers such as yourself because of the limited way in which verbs present themselves in Chinese. The verb+ing forms has several meanings. Among them (using 'to run' as an example): Running is fun (used as a noun), Hot and cold running water (used as an adjective), I am running to the store (a verb in present progressive tense). As you read English more and more, these subtle differences will become more intuitive; you won't have to think about the rules so much as guage the passage by the way it feels to you.

It comes in time, but it takes a lot of reading. Mastery of English as a foreign language (especially if learned as an adult) deserves a medal of the highest honor in my opinion.

Just a quick note for you: make sure you use the format [phrase-comma-space-phrase] and not [phrase-space-comma-phrase]:

CORRECT: "Unaware of what to do, he went on"
INCORRECT: "Unaware of what to do ,he went on"
INCORRECT: "Unaware of what to do,he went on" (with no space)

That will reduce the number of small errors that you must correct for your final draft.

C

Hly2004 · Answer

Here is another verion I get

The author designed his narrative carefully by arranging three independent stories in such a way that the parallelly developing story lines intertwined into a weaved structure. One event following another, his narrative led the readers gradually into the scenes and go over the climax in spite of themselves, then unexpectedly turn them from a spectacular frenzy back to the reality, which demonstrated the author's superb story telling skills.

Anonymous · Answer

We will organise writing poem competition on 1st February 2016. The time of the competition is from 9.00 to 11.00am.  It takes place in our school hall.  There are 13 prizes will be giving away.  For the first prize is RM500.00 cash and a hamper, followed by the second prize is RM300.00 cash & a hamper.  The next third prize is RM100.00 cash with a trophy.   There are altogether is ten consolation prizes with a trophy.  I wish all the Form 1 schoolmates will take enthusiastic participation, Thank you.

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