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Galin Posted 19 years ago
Letter Writing
A paragraph from Cover letter
1 b 00 Dear friends, 02 b 02 br
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01 b 00 Please, give me a piece of advice connected with this paragraph, 02 b 02 br
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00 It has always been my cherished dream to become an engineer, since an early childhood I was interested in exact sciences, (I also started playing chess, which developped ability to think rationaly). The main area of my interest is ventilation and air conditioning and this is not a coincidence: both of my parents are also engineers and work in this sphere. Moreover, I consider ventilation and air conditioning as a very perspective field, which is developing all the time, and to me it is significant to have possibilities to perfect oneself. Although my work experience is not very big, still I have a good understanding of processes going on in this field. 02 br
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01 b 00 BIG THANKS! 02 b 0-
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01 b 00 Please, give me a piece of advice connected with this paragraph, 02 b 02 br
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00 It has always been my cherished dream to become an engineer, since an early childhood I was interested in exact sciences, (I also started playing chess, which developped ability to think rationaly). The main area of my interest is ventilation and air conditioning and this is not a coincidence: both of my parents are also engineers and work in this sphere. Moreover, I consider ventilation and air conditioning as a very perspective field, which is developing all the time, and to me it is significant to have possibilities to perfect oneself. Although my work experience is not very big, still I have a good understanding of processes going on in this field. 02 br
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01 b 00 BIG THANKS! 02 b 0-
Top answer
0 It has always been my cherished dream to become an engineer 00 and since early 00 childhood I have been 00 interested in exact sciences 00 . 00 The main area of my interest is ventilation and air conditioning and this is not a coincidence: both of my parents are also engineers and work in this sphere. Moreover, I consider ventilation and air conditioning as a very ( 00 perspective - incorrect word choice/makes no sense) 00 field, which is developing all the time, and to me it is 00 significant to have possibilities to perfect oneself (meaning unclear/sounds odd) 00 .
- 0 It has always been my cherished dream to become an engineer 00 and since early 00 childhood I have been 00 interested in exact sciences 00 .
- 00 The main area of my interest is ventilation and air conditioning and this is not a coincidence: both of my parents are also engineers and work in this sphere.
- Moreover, I consider ventilation and air conditioning as a very ( 00 perspective - incorrect word choice/makes no sense) 00 field, which is developing all the time, and to me it is 00 significant to have possibilities to perfect oneself (meaning unclear/sounds odd) 00 .
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2 Answers
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0 It has always been my cherished dream to become an engineer 00 and since early 00 childhood I have been 00 interested in exact sciences 00 . I 00 also started playing chess, which 00 developed my ability to think rationaly. 00 The main area of my interest is ventilation and air conditioning and this is not a coincidence: both of my parents are also engineers and work in this
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0 -I agree with nona the brit, but you should run a spell check on it. 02 br
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00 -Also rework/get rid of the part about perfecting oneself. What you're trying to say needs to be crystal clear. 02 br
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00 -Instead of 'developing all the time', try 'constantly (or continually) developing' 02 br
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00 -Not sure what you meant when you said
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00 -Also rework/get rid of the part about perfecting oneself. What you're trying to say needs to be crystal clear. 02 br
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00 -Instead of 'developing all the time', try 'constantly (or continually) developing' 02 br
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00 -Not sure what you meant when you said
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