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Perfect Stranger Posted 10 years ago
Letter Writing
A longish email... Can someone help?
Dear Users,
I realize this is somewhat longish, but would you be able to scan the following e-mail and help me identify the errors in it? I'm particularly weak at punctuation, but I'd be grateful for pointing out any other mistakes, too.
What do you think about the general flow?
Dear BB8,
I’m currently working as and adjunct lecturer at ALI here in Tokyo and I was given your e-mail address by our common friend, Max Thompson. I was wondering if you could share with me your experience as a lecturer and PhD student at ALI. I’m currently considering going back to school and it’ll be either for my second MA or a PhD. I’ve been working in the field of education for quite a number of years and it’s my desire to move from the high-school level of teaching to university level. I used to think that in order to become a university lecturer, a PhD is an absolute must, but from what I’ve noticed lately, that’s not necessarily the case. Max also mentioned to me that ALI employs people with Master’s degrees as well. In all honesty, I’m not quite sure how much doing research interests me, especially in the scope of the subjects I teach (literature, European/US history) but I’d definitely find it extremely rewarding to work with undergraduate students or above.
Right now I’m considering a few options. Getting a Phd is one of them, but I don’t see it (becoming/being?) possible unless I could obtain some kind of financial support from the university I’d be doing it at. What’s your experience as far as that goes, if I may ask? As we all well know, (the?) humanities are not exactly the best-funded areas and universities reduce funding as much as possible in these fields… at least to the best of my knowledge, which might very well be incorrect.
Another path I’m thinking of taking is to get an MA in a field much less related to my education, and abandon teaching whatsoever for the sake of pursuing international relations or computer science. I’m not sure if such a jump would even be possible, but if you have any knowledge regarding that, or if perhaps you’ve heard that any of your friends have made a switch like that, please let me know. I’d be most obliged!
You probably have a fairly busy schedule, but if you prefer to simply meet up and chat a bit about these things, I’d be more than happy to grab a coffee (it’s on me!)
It’d be great to hear back from you. You can also drop me a line on Skype (my id is: XYZ)
Thanks for your time.
XYZ
Thanks
I realize this is somewhat longish, but would you be able to scan the following e-mail and help me identify the errors in it? I'm particularly weak at punctuation, but I'd be grateful for pointing out any other mistakes, too.
What do you think about the general flow?
Dear BB8,
I’m currently working as and adjunct lecturer at ALI here in Tokyo and I was given your e-mail address by our common friend, Max Thompson. I was wondering if you could share with me your experience as a lecturer and PhD student at ALI. I’m currently considering going back to school and it’ll be either for my second MA or a PhD. I’ve been working in the field of education for quite a number of years and it’s my desire to move from the high-school level of teaching to university level. I used to think that in order to become a university lecturer, a PhD is an absolute must, but from what I’ve noticed lately, that’s not necessarily the case. Max also mentioned to me that ALI employs people with Master’s degrees as well. In all honesty, I’m not quite sure how much doing research interests me, especially in the scope of the subjects I teach (literature, European/US history) but I’d definitely find it extremely rewarding to work with undergraduate students or above.
Right now I’m considering a few options. Getting a Phd is one of them, but I don’t see it (becoming/being?) possible unless I could obtain some kind of financial support from the university I’d be doing it at. What’s your experience as far as that goes, if I may ask? As we all well know, (the?) humanities are not exactly the best-funded areas and universities reduce funding as much as possible in these fields… at least to the best of my knowledge, which might very well be incorrect.
Another path I’m thinking of taking is to get an MA in a field much less related to my education, and abandon teaching whatsoever for the sake of pursuing international relations or computer science. I’m not sure if such a jump would even be possible, but if you have any knowledge regarding that, or if perhaps you’ve heard that any of your friends have made a switch like that, please let me know. I’d be most obliged!
You probably have a fairly busy schedule, but if you prefer to simply meet up and chat a bit about these things, I’d be more than happy to grab a coffee (it’s on me!)
It’d be great to hear back from you. You can also drop me a line on Skype (my id is: XYZ)
Thanks for your time.
XYZ
Thanks
Top answer
I have underlined the most obvious problem areas: Dear BB8, I’m currently working as and adjunct lecturer at ALI here in Tok yo an d I was given your e-mail address by our common friend, Max Thompson. I was wondering if you could share with me your experience as a lecturer and PhD student at ALI. I’m currently considering going back to scho ol an d it’ll be either for my second MA or a PhD.
- I have underlined the most obvious problem areas: Dear BB8, I’m currently working as and adjunct lecturer at ALI here in Tok yo an d I was given your e-mail address by our common friend, Max Thompson.
- I was wondering if you could share with me your experience as a lecturer and PhD student at ALI.
- I’m currently considering going back to scho ol an d it’ll be either for my second MA or a PhD.
- I’ve been working in the field of education for quite a number of yea rs a nd it’s my desire to move from the hig h-sch ool level of teaching to university level.
- I used to think that in order to become a university lecturer, a PhD is an absolute must, but from what I’ve noticed lately, th at’s not necessarily the case.
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3 Answers
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I have underlined the most obvious problem areas:
Dear BB8,
I’m currently working as and adjunct lecturer at ALI here in Tokyo and I was given your e-mail address by our common friend, Max Thompson. I was wondering if you could share with me your experience as a lecturer and PhD student at ALI. I’m currently considering going back to school and it’l
Dear BB8,
I’m currently working as and adjunct lecturer at ALI here in Tokyo and I was given your e-mail address by our common friend, Max Thompson. I was wondering if you could share with me your experience as a lecturer and PhD student at ALI. I’m currently considering going back to school and it’l
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Thank you very much.
If I may, two additional questions:
1) What's wrong with this sentence? at least to the best of my knowledge, which might very well be incorrect
2) Aside from getting rid of contractions and eliminating or changing the underlined parts, should I introduce other changes in vocabulary to make the whole thing more formal?
If I may, two additional questions:
1) What's wrong with this sentence? at least to the best of my knowledge, which might very well be incorrect
2) Aside from getting rid of contractions and eliminating or changing the underlined parts, should I introduce other changes in vocabulary to make the whole thing more formal?
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Perfect Stranger1) What's wrong with this sentence? at least to the best of my knowledge, which might very well be incorrectIt is blabber.
Perfect Stranger2) Aside from getting rid of contractions and eliminating or changing the underlined parts, should I introduce other changes in vocabulary to make the whole thing more formal?
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