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Bbser Posted 15 years ago
Vocabulary

A long sentence. Shall i break it up?

I was considering starting my letter like below. But the sentence is really long. Do you think it would sound fine to the hiring manager? Or shall I break it up and how? Any help or comments are appreciated.

Dear Hiring Manager:

Would a recent graduate with a master's in mathematics from Toronto University applying to TD bank for a position as a business analyst be of interest to you?
  

Top answer

Yipes! No, no - you're trying to be funny again. Don't do that!

— Mister Micawber

  • Yipes!
  • No, no - you're trying to be funny again.
  • Don't do that!
  • Dear Hiring Manager: I am a recent graduate with an MS/MA in Mathematics from Toronto University , and I would like to apply to TD bank for a position as a business analys t.
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2 Answers
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Yipes! No, no - you're trying to be funny again. Don't do that!

Dear Hiring Manager:

I am a recent graduate with an MS/MA in Mathematics from Toronto University, and I would like to apply to TD bank for a position as a business analyst.
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Mister, you caught me again. Emotion: smile Thanks a lot.

I guess I have to revise my letter. Crossing my fingers.
Miste
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