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Jobb Posted 22 years ago
The brocaded swordsman was stricken by four swords, and dropped dead immediately. His eyes openned broadly, and his mouth opened widely, too.
The four blue-coated swordsmen pulled out their swords from the body at the same tiem, and raised their left foot, putting their blooded swords under sole, dragged to clean the remains of blood. With a whoosh they had scabbarded their swords. Not to mention the act was so clear, it is most hardwon that they did it in a perfect order -- simultaneously raising feet, simultaneously dragging swords to remove bloodstains , and simultaneously scabbarding while only causing a bit noise.
Grammar
A little paragraph needs editing
The brocaded swordsman was stricken by four swords, and dropped dead immediately. His eyes openned broadly, and his mouth opened widely, too.
The four blue-coated swordsmen pulled out their swords from the body at the same tiem, and raised their left foot, putting their blooded swords under sole, dragged to clean the remains of blood. With a whoosh they had scabbarded their swords. Not to mention the act was so clear, it is most hardwon that they did it in a perfect order -- simultaneously raising feet, simultaneously dragging swords to remove bloodstains , and simultaneously scabbarding while only causing a bit noise.
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3 Answers
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You're not going to like this, Jobb, but the following is how the paragraph should be edited:
"The brocaded swordsman was struck by four swords and dropped dead, his eyes and mouth wide open. The four blue-coated swordsmen withdrew their weapons from the body, placed the ****** swords under their left soles, drew them clean of blood, and silently sheathed them."
All the
"The brocaded swordsman was struck by four swords and dropped dead, his eyes and mouth wide open. The four blue-coated swordsmen withdrew their weapons from the body, placed the ****** swords under their left soles, drew them clean of blood, and silently sheathed them."
All the
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Hi MM,
I admitted the paragraph has been well edited except the last sentence. About which you used " and silently sheathed them" to substitute --
"With a whoosh they had scabbarded their swords. Not to mention the act was so clear, it is most hardwon that they did it in a perfect order -- simultaneously raising feet, simultaneously dragging swords to remove bloodstains ,
I admitted the paragraph has been well edited except the last sentence. About which you used " and silently sheathed them" to substitute --
"With a whoosh they had scabbarded their swords. Not to mention the act was so clear, it is most hardwon that they did it in a perfect order -- simultaneously raising feet, simultaneously dragging swords to remove bloodstains ,
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