a letter welcome to be corrected

Question

Any corrections about the grammar or even the tone are highly appreciated... :

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a customer of your department store and writing to complain about the unsatisfactory product of the store. I would be grateful if adequate attention could be given. Below is the detail.

the detail.. .. ..

I would like you to deal with the incident as soon as possible. Here is my request that I hope to be reasonably considered. (request .. ..)

I enclose the model number of the CD player for you to check, as well as my telephone number. A prompt reply would be appreciated.

Yours sincerely,

Chengwei Liu

Goodman · Accepted Answer

LeolyyAny corrections about the grammar or even the tone are highly appreciated... :

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a customer of your department store and writing to complain about the unsatisfactory product of the store. I would be grateful if adequate attention could be given. Below is the detail.

the detail.. .. ..

I would like you to deal with the incident as soon as possible. Here is my request that I hope to be reasonably considered. (request .. ..)

I enclose the model number of the CD player for you to check, as well as my telephone number. A prompt reply would be appreciated.

Yours sincerely,

Chengwei Liu

If this is an actual complaint, I would say something like this. Try to make your complaint to the point without a long story. State the date of purchase and symptom or defect clearly so that they can verify the purchase on their computer which may expedite the refund, repair or exchange. In the , usually within 30 days, the product is exchangeable without any problems at any store.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have been a loyal customer with (name of the store). However, I recently purchased a CD player from your store which turned out to be less than satisfactory and I am writing to you to file a complaint against this defective purchase. I would be most appreciative if your manager can give this matter immediate attention. Below is the detail.

XYZ brand

Model number – CD1234

Serial Number – 2345

Manufact. Date –

(How you discovered the problem with CD player, sound quality? Mechanical malfunction? Physical damage? and so on)

A prompt reply will be appreciated. If you have any questions, please contact me at 1234567

Yours sincerely,

Chengwei Liu

Leolyy · Answer

Hi Goodman,

Thanks again. actually, this is a complaint letter I wrote for the preparation for the ielts test, just as what i did last time.

in my fist paragraph, "unsatisfactory product" is shorter and simpler, then why you made the modification? i mean it is obvious that your writing is often more developed, i mean at a level that is hard for me to reach in a short time. so do you think what i wrote is quite ok, i mean such as the tone, chinglish..

i notice you have deleted the 3rd paragraph, where i do have some unclear points, such as:

"I would like you to.." is this expression too demanding or just equal to "I hope you could.."?

"Here is my request that I hope to be reasonably considered." is this one quite ok or too wordy or something?

thanks

Chengwei Liu

a letter welcome to be corrected

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