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Snarf Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
A Layout Heading Towards a "He"
What I'm about to ask is regarding a novel, not a screenplay. I just want to make that clear right off the bat. It's a scene where one character, let's call him John, is listening through his office intercom to what Mike is saying to John's secretary, Kelly, and John is not the least bit amused by what Mike is saying:
"Oh...ah...thanks," Kelly tells Mike.
John whips his pen at the edge of his desk.
"You can thank me later," Mike tells her.
"Wow," says Kelly. She giggles and John gives the intercom a look of sheer distaste.
He then sighs. "It's unbelievable," he says to himself.
It's clear that it's John who is sighing and saying "It's unbelievable" to himself, not Mike, right, since the "He then" must refer to the last man spoken of, which is John? Plus, Mike wouldn't be able to say it to himself, given the presence of Kelly.
Thanks.
"Oh...ah...thanks," Kelly tells Mike.
John whips his pen at the edge of his desk.
"You can thank me later," Mike tells her.
"Wow," says Kelly. She giggles and John gives the intercom a look of sheer distaste.
He then sighs. "It's unbelievable," he says to himself.
It's clear that it's John who is sighing and saying "It's unbelievable" to himself, not Mike, right, since the "He then" must refer to the last man spoken of, which is John? Plus, Mike wouldn't be able to say it to himself, given the presence of Kelly.
Thanks.
Top answer
Yes — it's clear that John is sighing. You need to rephrase 'John whips his pen at the edge of his desk'. Rover
- Yes — it's clear that John is sighing.
- You need to rephrase 'John whips his pen at the edge of his desk'.
- Rover
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2 Answers
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Yes — it's clear that John is sighing.
You need to rephrase 'John whips his pen at the edge of his desk'.
Rover
You need to rephrase 'John whips his pen at the edge of his desk'.
Rover
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But that's what he does. He doesn't toss it, nor does he whip it against the wall. It's right at the edge of his desk that he whips it against out of anger.
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