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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
A first attempt
Her pain runs deep
To the bottom of a black abyss
Sometimes she tries to creep
Into that pit of nothingness
Drown herself in the dark
Suffocate on empty air
The black death leaves a mark
On her ivory skin so fare
Her screams all run silent
So no one comes to her ade
It's all about to become violent
And her conciense starts to fade
Her soul begins to drift
Finding solice in a bloody bay
The smoke decides to lift
Revealing screams a million miles away
At least shes not alone
Among tortured souls and lost spirituality
She'll carry all that shes been shown
And find her way back to reality
Please let me know what you think as this is my first real attempt at poetry. Thank you.
To the bottom of a black abyss
Sometimes she tries to creep
Into that pit of nothingness
Drown herself in the dark
Suffocate on empty air
The black death leaves a mark
On her ivory skin so fare
Her screams all run silent
So no one comes to her ade
It's all about to become violent
And her conciense starts to fade
Her soul begins to drift
Finding solice in a bloody bay
The smoke decides to lift
Revealing screams a million miles away
At least shes not alone
Among tortured souls and lost spirituality
She'll carry all that shes been shown
And find her way back to reality
Please let me know what you think as this is my first real attempt at poetry. Thank you.
Top answer
Technically it is pretty OK but it is not really cheerful. However, I attended a competition with a poem about a murderer. Compared to it, yours is close to cheerful.
- Technically it is pretty OK but it is not really cheerful.
- However, I attended a competition with a poem about a murderer.
- Compared to it, yours is close to cheerful.
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4 Answers
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Technically it is pretty OK but it is not really cheerful. However, I attended a competition with a poem about a murderer. Compared to it, yours is close to cheerful.
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Thank you for your comment. It really wasn't intended to be cheerful, I was just curious what others would think of my writing since i rarely share it.
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My poetry is much more wilder. I was wondering how you could find that perfect order so keep working.
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the poem was really touching
went rite through the heart
straight to my soul
it was really very emotional
my friend is also writing peotry
urs is somewat similar to her
u must understand pain real well to
have put it in words so nicely
gudluk 4 future
priya
went rite through the heart
straight to my soul
it was really very emotional
my friend is also writing peotry
urs is somewat similar to her
u must understand pain real well to
have put it in words so nicely
gudluk 4 future
priya
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