A few simple questions on which sentences are better (help pls)

Question

Hello, I think some of the sentences below are fine but I would like to make sure I am making the correct choices after confusing myself. Another set of eyes would be really refreshing. I would greatly appreciate it if you can review the sentences below and provide any input. I'll owe you. S is for sentence, Q is for question.

S: A final map was made displaying accident densities by “low,” “medium,” and “high” for insight into the bicycle circulation of the city and to determine if there are areas that can use roadside improvements.

Q: Use or See, which sounds better? to determine if there are areas that can use/see roadside improvements.

S: Relevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed.

Q: Should 'e.g.,' be in parentheses? Which is better, this or the above? Relevant accident information for each point, e.g., the date, was stored into GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed.

S: A greater look into high density accident areas identified and close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness (e.g., bicycle signage).

Q: Should 'e.g., be in parentheses? Which is better, this or the above? A greater look into high density accident areas identified and close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness, e.g., bicycle signage.

S: Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists for a livelier community we can help maximize.

Q: Is this sentence okay? I think it flows smoothly, that is my intention, and is fine, but am not sure if I need something at the end like or even a comma: Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists for a livelier community, "which" or "in which?" we can help maximize.

Thank you!!!

Deadrat · Accepted Answer

ExeA final map was made displaying accident densities by “low,” “medium,” and “high” for insight into the bicycle circulation of the city and to determine if there are areas that can use roadside improvements.

For insight into bicycle circulation of the city and to determine whether there are areas that can use roadside improvements, we made a final map displaying accident densities as "low," "medium," and "high."

"Bicycle circulation" might be better as "bicycle traffic," but I can't tell from the context.

If you see improvement, then they're already in place; "use" is better.

Is there a reason to call your map "final"?

I transposed your verb from the passive, but local custom may require otherwise.

ExeRelevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed.

"E.g." stands for exempli gratia, Latin meaning "for example." That's wrong here as each point isn't an example of something. You might want "i.e.," which stands for id est, Latin meaning "that is." The problem is that "point" has a spatial connotation, not a temporal one. Better: "Relevant information for each date."

ExeA greater look into high density accident areas identified and close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness (e.g., bicycle signage).

The idiom is "a closer look," not "a greater look." I'm not sure what you mean here, possibly "the high-density accident areas identified close to the South Bay Bicycle Path"

"Improvement to bicycle friendliness" is wrong, as it talks about making friendliness better. Perhaps "improvements to increase bicycle friendliness" or "improvements for bicycle friendliness. The "e.g." is correct as it gives an instance of an improvement.

ExeConcord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists for a livelier community we can help maximize.

The sentence is fine up to "we can help maximize," where it goes off the rails. I don't think you want to maximize the potential but bring about an actuality. I'd suggest two sentences.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

ExeA final map was made displaying accident densities by “low,” “medium,” and “high” for insight into the bicycle circulation of the city and to determine if there are areas that can use roadside improvements.

See does not fit.

ExeRelevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed.

Relevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into a/the GIS using an attribute table and can be viewed.

ExeA greater look into high density accident areas identified and close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness (e.g., bicycle signage).

A greater look into the identified high density accident areas ~~identified and~~ close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness (e.g., bicycle signage).

Exe Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists for a livelier community

Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists that would create a livelier (friendlier, healthier, active?) community. We can help with discovering and recommending opportunities.

Exe · Answer

Thanks you two for the reply!

deadrat ExeA final map was made displaying accident densities by “low,” “medium,” and “high” for insight into the bicycle circulation of the city and to determine if there are areas that can use roadside improvements. For insight into bicycle circulation of the city and to determine whether there are areas that can use roadside improvements, we made a final map displaying accident densities as "low," "medium," and "high.""Bicycle circulation" might be better as "bicycle traffic," but I can't tell from the context.

Thanks! Bicycle traffic might be a better term, and that is a very good suggestion. The meaning of circulation and traffic is essentially the same as I am trying to get across. Well, the 'final' is because after I described what I did, which I left out, the result was a final map. I will use 'use'. It's weird I think a problem of mine is I like to write what sounds better, but may not necessarily be better.

If you see improvement, then they're already in place; "use" is better.Is there a reason to call your map "final"?I transposed your verb from the passive, but local custom may require otherwise.ExeRelevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed."E.g." stands for exempli gratia, Latin meaning "for example." That's wrong here as each point isn't an example of something. You might want "i.e.," which stands for id est, Latin meaning "that is." The problem is that "point" has a spatial connotation, not a temporal one.

No, I think I want to use e.g., because that is what I mean. It is an example of something, the date is an example of data that was stored into software, but that is only one example of other types of information that was stored, which may be hard to determine from reading.

Better: "Relevant information for each date."ExeA greater look into high density accident areas identified and close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness (e.g., bicycle signage). The idiom is "a closer look," not "a greater look."

You're exactly right. Closer sounds like the proper word. I have no idea how that slipped. And also your revised sentence is a lot better. Thank you so much! I appreciate it

s. The "e.g." is correct as it gives an instance of an improvement.

So you would keep the e.g., part in parantheses?

I'm applying to you Alphecca now. Thank you so much!

Exe · Answer

Thank you so much for the reply! A very big help.

AlpheccaStars ExeA final map was made displaying accident densities by “low,” “medium,” and “high” for insight into the bicycle circulation of the city and to determine if there are areas that can use roadside improvements.See does not fit..

Thanks!

Relevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed.

Relevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into a/the GIS using an attribute table and can be viewed.

I'm not sure if this is correct and may be difficult to interpret from a reader standpoint. It is weird but GIS stands for Geographic Information Systems, and it is the name of a software program. It would sound awkward if I say stored into a/the Geographic Information Systems but I can probably reword it to change it to what you mean, maybe "stored into a Geographic Information Systems file", or something. Also, I am not sure if 'using' is correct. I am not 'using' an attribute table, but I created it in GIS, and it is inside the program, so I think I may have it right with 'with' in the sentence, but am not sure.

A greater look into high density accident areas identified and close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness (e.g., bicycle signage).

A greater look into the identified high density accident areas identified and close to the South Bay Bicycle Path can be evaluated for improvements to bicycle friendliness (e.g., bicycle signage).

Thank you! This sounds much better. Would you keep 'e.g.' in parentheses in both examples?

Exe Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists for a livelier community we can help maximize

Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists that would create a livelier (friendlier, healthier, active?) community. We can help with discovering and recommending opportunities.

Ug. I was hoping that sentence would read like a book lol. This sentence is tricky. Your suggestion in the first sentence is a possibility and a very good help. I am not sure if that is exactly what I want though, but will give it some thought. It can work. Your suggestion of, "Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists that would create a livelier community" may work but I wanted to describe maximizing the current conditions of bicyclists, since the area is already frequented by cyclists, which you illustrate by your second sentence. I will think about how I can change it. I preferably want it in one sentence to make one final point, but that may not work.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Exe. It is weird but GIS stands for Geographic Information Systems, and it is the name of a software program.

I know what it stands for. ESRI is the major vendor. There is only one system. It integrates spatial data with numeric data and allows for statistical analysis and visualization.
...was stored into the Geographic Information System ...

ExeWould you keep 'e.g.' in parentheses in both examples?

Yes.

ExeI wanted to describe maximizing the current conditions of bicyclists

Maximize does not make sense there. "Maximize the conditions of bicyclists" means to make their physiques more muscular and lean so they can win races.
I think you want to make conditions of the bicycle paths ideal (ideally suited) for bicyclists.

Exe · Answer

AlpheccaStars Exe. It is weird but GIS stands for Geographic Information Systems, and it is the name of a software program.I know what it stands for. ESRI is the major vendor. There is only one system. It integrates spatial data with numeric data and allows for statistical analysis and visualization. ...was stored into the Geographic Information System

ExeRelevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored into GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed

Thank you so much. You have been a great help. Yeah, I don't think that will work either because I made a file using GIS, I did not technically put it into a system, like you can do. I know what you mean. If I did - it would make sense to say "into a Geographic Information System" but I did not do that; I made a file. It is similar, for example if I made a chart in Microsoft Word. If I said, it was into the Microsoft Word, or even if I said if I stored it into a Microsoft Access, would not make sense, and is why I originally said, "into GIS" because I created the attribute table into GIS on my own. I'll have to think about an alternative. Maybe if I write, "Relevant accident information for each point (e.g., the date) was stored using GIS with an attribute table and can be viewed." That will work! Thanks! You helped a lot.

Thank you for answering the parentheses. My first instinct was to only put a comma, and no parentheses.

Maximize does not make sense there. "Maximize the conditions of bicyclists" means to make their physiques more muscular and lean so they can win races.
I think you want to make conditions of the bicycle paths ideal (ideally suited) for bicyclists.

I mean maximize the current environment/conditions for bicyclists. I am trying to make the point where bicyclists are already present and to maximize the current road conditions for them, in one sentence if possible. Maybe if I write, "Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists and promote a livelier community, which we can help maximize." How is that? But then I don't like the break that "which" causes, and feel it is not a good ending, but may be it. Thank you!!!

My original sentence:

Exe Concord, particularly its waterfront, has the potential to attract bicyclists for a livelier community we can help maximize

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Execommunity, which we can help maximize."

Maximize a community makes no sense, except perhaps in population growth.

What quantity do you want to maximize?

Exe · Answer

I am not referring to a quantity but maximizing the current road conditions/biking community/environment of bicyclists. I am not suggesting wholesale changes, so it is about maximizing the current conditions for bicyclists if that makes sense. I think that word does make sense in that usage but maybe it doesn't, and I need to think of another word/way to describe. I will try to think of something else. Thank you so much for your reply.

Perhaps optimize is a better word for a description if that helps you understand what I am trying to write, but I think it might sound awkward. If you have a suggestion, feel free, I am going to try to think of stuff right now and will report. The thesaurus is not helping.

Thanks again. I really appreciate it.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Maximize is used with measurable quantities.
Optimize is much better.

A few simple questions on which sentences are better (help pls)

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