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Julielai Posted 19 years ago
Jokes, Puzzles & Riddles

A few chuckles for you

1font00>CHUCKLES FOR MATURE COUPLES AND OTHERS .....02br
00>02br
00>My husband and I divorced over religious differences.02br
00>02br
00>He thought he was God, and I didn't.02br
00>02br
00>---------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>Marriage is a three-ring circus:02br
00>02br
00>Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>For Sale :02br
00>02br
00>Wedding dress, size 8.02br
00>02br
00>Worn once by mistake.02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:02br
00>02br
00>Before marriage and after marriage.02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>Why were hurricanes usually named after women?02br
00>02br
00>Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but02br
00>02br
00>when they go, they take your house and car.02br
00>02br
00>---------------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove02br
00>02br
00>seemed way too qualified for the job.02br
00>02br
00>"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual02br
00>02br
00>experience in picking lemons?"02br
00>02br
00>"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've been divorced02br
00>three times."02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can02br
00>02br
00>remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.02br
00>02br
00>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me02br
00>02br
00>the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."02br
00>02br
00>The old man says without hesitation,02br
00>02br
00>"I now pronounce you man and wife."02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:02br
00>02br
00>All the DNA is the same.02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>---------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.02br
00>02br
00>Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the02br
00>check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.02br
00>02br
00>Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward02br
00>looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you02br
00>like to buy?"02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly02br
00>neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a02br
00>table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may02br
00>not have 45 minutes."02br
00>02br
00>They were seated immediately.02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------- ----------02br
00>02br
00>The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would02br
00>hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father02br
00>02br
00>escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting02br
00>groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.02br
00>02br
00>The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even02br
00>the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the02br
00>bride gave him back his credit card.02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and02br
00>get used to the idea.02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in02br
00>your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,02br
00>what would you like them to say?"02br
00>02br
00>Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine02br
00>spiritual leader, and a great family man."02br
00>02br
00> Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a02br
00>02br
00>wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in02br
00>people's lives."02br
00>02br
00>Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.02br
00>02br
00>Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to02br
00>you?"02br
00>02br
00>The Lord replies, "A minute."02br
00>02br
00>Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"02br
00>02br
00>The Lord replies, "A penny."02br
00>02br
00>Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"02br
00>02br
00>The Lord replies, "In a minute."02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is02br
00>02br
00>unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up02br
00>men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.02br
00>02br
00>Wh at do you think I should do?"02br
00>02br
00>"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell02br
00>me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully.02br
00>02br
00>"Give me one last request, dear," he said.02br
00>02br
00>"Of course, John," his wife said softly.02br
00>02br
00>"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."02br
00>02br
00>"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.02br
00>02br
00>With his last breath John said, "I do!"02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>----------------------------------------------------------------02br
00>02br
00>02br
00>A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and02br
00>I have to talk to you about it."02br
00>02br
00>The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"02br
00>02br
00>The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."02br
00>02br
00>The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"02br
00>02br
00>The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,02br
00>what should I do?"02br
00>02br
00>The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to02br
00>02br
00>her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."02br
00>02br
00>A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your02br
00>wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours02br
00>02br
00>You want my advice?"02br
00>02br
00>The man said yes and the Rabbi replied,02br
00>02br
00>"Take the poison"02br
02font0-
  

Top answer

0they are really good ... thanks 050010id2

— Ville_maddengurl

  • 0they are really good ...
  • thanks 050010id2
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2 Answers
0
0they are really good ... thanks 050010id2
0
0
0 02br
00>The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove02br
00>02br
00>seemed way too qualified for the job.02br
00>02br
00>"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual02br
00>02br
00>experience in picking lemons?"02br
00>02br
00>"Well, as a mat
0

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