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Vincent Teo Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
A disaster - a landslide
Please help me to check it, thanks.
Long ago, there lived an old woman who had no childen. She was always alone in an old wooden house for twenty years. However, she was kind and helpful. She gets along well with villagers. All villagers like to make friends with her.
Last Friday, it rained heavily all the morning. There was a strom ... A storm caused a landslide. / There was a landslide happened in the village. Her house was destroyed and buried beneath / in / under a landslide. She was stunned and surprised (to see) as / when she came home. Luckily, she was unhurt but she was homeless.
After a few months, some enthusiastic villagers raised fund and collected money from the public. They also helped to built a new house for her. She was grateful to them. She burst into tears and thanked them for their help. It was really an exciting experience for her.
Long ago, there lived an old woman who had no childen. She was always alone in an old wooden house for twenty years. However, she was kind and helpful. She gets along well with villagers. All villagers like to make friends with her.
Last Friday, it rained heavily all the morning. There was a strom ... A storm caused a landslide. / There was a landslide happened in the village. Her house was destroyed and buried beneath / in / under a landslide. She was stunned and surprised (to see) as / when she came home. Luckily, she was unhurt but she was homeless.
After a few months, some enthusiastic villagers raised fund and collected money from the public. They also helped to built a new house for her. She was grateful to them. She burst into tears and thanked them for their help. It was really an exciting experience for her.
Top answer
Hi Vincent, I wouldn't write an exciting experience as it carries more of a positive connotation that seems out of place here. For example Jack went on a roller coaster ride. It was pretty exciting.
- Hi Vincent, I wouldn't write an exciting experience as it carries more of a positive connotation that seems out of place here.
- For example Jack went on a roller coaster ride.
- It was pretty exciting.
- (This would work because he enjoyed the experience.
- Did the old woman enjoy the rockslide and her house being destroyed?
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3 Answers
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Hi Vincent,
I wouldn't write an exciting experience as it carries more of a positive connotation that seems out of place here.
For example
I wouldn't write an exciting experience as it carries more of a positive connotation that seems out of place here.
For example
- Jack went on a roller coaster ride. It was pretty exciting. (This would work because he enjoyed the experience. Did the old woman enjoy the rockslide and her house being destroyed? Probably not.
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Hi,
Maybe you could take a look at your tenses. You are shifting them a lot, especially in your first paragraph. Some people would consider it a stylistic improvement if you either used the past or the present tense for all of your verbs.
Long ago, there lived (past) an old woman who had no childen. She was (past) always alone in an old wooden house for twenty year
Maybe you could take a look at your tenses. You are shifting them a lot, especially in your first paragraph. Some people would consider it a stylistic improvement if you either used the past or the present tense for all of your verbs.
Long ago, there lived (past) an old woman who had no childen. She was (past) always alone in an old wooden house for twenty year
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