A diagram report in IELTS task 1

Question

The barchart indicated the percentages of various factors that motivated young professionals aged 20-30 to suceed.
As the histogram shows, there is a significant rate for personal amd ambition in motivating young professional people to suceed. While fear of failure created the least motivation for them.
it is clear from the chart that both personal satisfaction and ambition had the same great rate, which reached to 80%. They were followed by family pressure, which was shown as 70%; While the third largest percentage presented, pressure from society, gaines 60% of choices.
Rivalry, desire for material things, peer pressure and money, compares to the top three rates, has lower levels. However, they had similar percentage, between 40% to 50%. Meanwhile, feeling inadequate and envy ranged around 30%. Furthermore, the only category that had percentage below 30% is fear of failure, which ranged just over 20% of choices.

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The barchart (incorrect. Two words, not one) indicated (wrong word. Use give, show, compare) the percentages of various factors (incorrect expression. It does not show a portion of a factor.) that motivated young professionals aged 20-30 to suceed.

The bar chart gives the results of a questionnaire for young professional people aged 20-30 on factors that encouraged them to succeed. There were eleven choices on the form, and the participants could chose any number of them.

Overall, more than half of the participants picked four of the categories, in this order of frequency: ambition and personal satisfaction, tied at 80%, and family and societal pressures, at 70 and 60% respectively. Two categories were selected by exactly half of the people in the group, rivalry and desire for possessions.

~~As the histogram shows,~~ This chart is not a histogram. In a histogram the total across all categories would be 100%. On this survey, the participants could choose as many categories as they wanted. ) there is a significant rate (wrong word. The data values are not rates. They are measures of the proportion of respondents. ) for personal amd ambition in motivating young professional people to suceed. While fear of failure created the least motivation for them. (That is a fragment, not a sentence.)

~~it is clear from the chart that~~ both personal satisfaction and ambition had the same great rate, which was ~~reached to~~ 80%. They were followed by family pressure, which was ~~shown as~~ 70%; While the third largest percentage presented, pressure from society, gaines 60% of choices.
Rivalry, desire for material things, peer pressure and money, compares to the top three rates, has lower levels. (I do not know what you mean by "lower levels." The order that the bars are in is completely random. There is no information in which bar is on top and which one is on the bottom.) However, they had similar percentage, between 40% to 50%. Meanwhile, feeling inadequate and envy ranged around 30%. Furthermore, the only category that had a percentage below 30% is fear of failure, which ~~ranged just over~~ was about 25% .~~20% of choices.~~

A diagram report in IELTS task 1

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