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Snarf Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

A Complex Line in an Acrobatic Circus Scene in a Novella

A lot is going on in this fast-paced scene and there's a line that I'd like double-checked. Let me explain a bit first. There are four acrobats. There is a man holding a woman, as he swings upside down from a trapeze, and another man doing the exact same thing with the other female acrobat. Each woman is released at the same time. The opposite male acrobat catches her by the calves. Now...does this sentence work?

The women are then released by both men at the same time, for them to be caught by their calves, and held, swinging upside down, by the other acrobat.

Good?
  

Top answer

Both men simultaneously release the women, who are caught by their calves and held swinging upside down by the other acrobat.

— Mister Micawber

  • Both men simultaneously release the women, who are caught by their calves and held swinging upside down by the other acrobat.
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7 Answers
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Both men simultaneously release the women, who are caught by their calves and held swinging upside down by the other acrobat.
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Thanks, Mister Micawber. There's also this one:

The two women reach out for an empty, unused trapeze, grab hold, and begin swinging back and forth along with the two men.

I didn't want to write "...empty, unused trapezes, grab hold of them..." because "trapezes" sounds really weird to say and I've already used it twice. Is it fine the way it is, or does it sound too much like the
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The two women reach out for another trapeze, grab hold, and begin swinging back and forth alongside the two men.
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Let's say I did pluralize "trapeze" to be even more clear, would it be okay to write "The two women reach out for empty, unused trapezes, grab hold of them, and begin..."?
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I don't think you need my help. 'Empty, unused' as appeared again after I eliminated them.
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No, but that's because I'm asking what to do if I changed it from the singular to the plural. You eliminated them with "another," but "another" can't work with "trapezes," that's why I changed "another" back to those two. I'm just wondering if it's okay.
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