A clumsy paragraph? Comma usage? The word "alongside"?
Dear all,
could you please have a look at this paragraph?
- I'm not sure about the comma usage + tenses
- I'm not sure about the "One of my most embarrassing moments IS WHEN" - shouldn't there be rather "WAS WHEN"?
- "(...) and I probably made many mistakes ALONGSIDE" - does it make any sense? Can I use the word "alongside" like this?
- The whole paragraph probably sounds a little bit clumsy - any stylistic suggestions?
"One of my most embarrassing moments is when I was supposed to have a presentation about XYZ, and I was just unable to let the words out of my mouth. First of all, I didn’t get his poems at all (the book XXX was quite new at that time; Google wasn’t much of a help either), so the outline of my presentation was pretty weak from the very beginning. Second of all, I was under time pressure, so I didn’t spend any time rehearsing my presentation. Third of all, once I realized that I was f*cked, I completely lost it and started rambling and probably made many mistakes alongside."
Thank you so much!
Top answer
One of the most embarrassing moments I experienced was the time I was supposed to give a presentation about XYZ. I was just unable to force the words out of my mouth. First of all, I didn’t understand the poems in the book at all (the book *** was quite new at that time ; Google wasn’t much help either), so the outline of my presentation was fairly weak.
- One of the most embarrassing moments I experienced was the time I was supposed to give a presentation about XYZ.
- I was just unable to force the words out of my mouth.
- First of all, I didn’t understand the poems in the book at all (the book *** was quite new at that time ; Google wasn’t much help either), so the outline of my presentation was fairly weak.
- Secondly, I was under so much time pressure that I hadn't spent any time rehearsing my presentation.
- " I started helping you before I read the entire paragraph.
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One of the most embarrassing moments I experienced was the time I was supposed to give a presentation about XYZ. I was just unable to force the words out of my mouth. First of all, I didn’t understand the poems in the book at all (the book *** was quite new at that time; Google wasn’t much help either), so the outline of my presentation was fairly weak. Secondly, I was under so much ti
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